Scottish .... and proud

Saw this and had to share .....

Being Scottish is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or ,a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.

And the most Scottish thing of all? Suspicion of all things foreign!

Only in Scotland can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in Scotland do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Scotland do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.

Only in Scotland do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

Only in Scotland do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

Only in Scotland do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

Only in Scotland are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.

NOT TO MENTION..

3 Scots die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

142 Scots were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.

58 Scots are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.

31 Scots have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

19 Scots have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.

Scottish Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after Xmas cracker-pulling accidents.

18 Scots had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Scots were admitted to A&E in the last two years after trying to open bottles of beer with their teeth.

5 Scots were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control Scalextric cars.

and finally...

In 2000 eight Scots were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet.

If you're proud to be a Scot, send this on!

SCOTLAND - Love it, or Leave it!

Our Road Trip

Well, yesterday was a laugh and a half - I met up with two friends (to make up "The Three Amigos") and we had decided to take an Easter tirp to Landmark ... no not the furniture place ...... HUH!!

Well I set off at the ungodly hour of 8am ... OMG .. and on a Sunday too ... I never usually surface before mid-day FFS and headed to Crieff "The Holiday Town" ha effin ha to meet with me mates.

8.59am and we set off. Stopped and had brekkie at the House of Bruar - because by 10am I was effing starved but at £3.50 for a bacon roll .... my imagnation had to take control and turn that buttie into an imaginary full English fry-up!!! Ah well .. never mind.

Off we set again and we came across the Highland Wildlife Centre ... so we popped in .. I say popped in ... but at £10 a head I was expecting a lot!!! (am I reinforcing the Scots are a tight bunch of gits stereotype?? haha)

I knew from the first 20 minutes that I was gonna be a disappionted lad .... I think most of the animals were on an Easter break. I did however manage to see some red deer, buffalo, wolves, reindeer, wild boar and mountain goats but by the time we were finished ... and frozen solid in the windchill factor of about -50 (slight exaggeration) lunch was on our mind and we set off again for our destination.

I don't know when it happened ..... but we decided to head for Inverness instead - why, you may ask ..... I have no idea ... the sign said Inverness so we headed in that direction! As you may have guessed ... a day out with us is like a day out with The Clampetts!! PMSL



I said I wanted to go to Loch Ness ..... and that was the next stop on this magical mystery tour - I wondered if Nessie was gonna make a star appearance .. but NO ... like the animals in the Wildlife Centre .. she too was a bit shy and probably underwater eating her Easter eggs. The view was amazing though ....

After that we drove down the edge of Loch Ness all the way to Fort William. We stopped there for the necessary "pee break" .. well after a 100 mile trip down Loch Ness .. it was needed!! I aint the type of lad to pull up in a layby, unzip and let flow ... I need my comforts ;-)

It was getting on now ... must have been about 4pm when we set off again and for some bizarre reason .... Tam (the driver for this road trip) headed for Oban!!! Now I am not saying that he likes to drive fast .... but we "landed" in Oban a wee while later and sought out a restaurant that wasn't fully booked with the Easter Sunday brigade. (oh how unplanned were we ffs) We did manage to find a nice eatery and sat down to a nice meal.

After filling up with our fuel ... the car needed the same and off we trotted to the garage. The nice chap behind the counter gave me another good Scottish word to use ..... HEE HAW!! We were about to buy a newspaper and he replied "I wouldn't bother ... there's 'hee haw' in it today!" That was the word for the rest of the trip home!! Here is Vicki leaning out of the car, travelling rather fast shouting "hee haw" and me leaning further out of the back window taking her piccy .... NUTTERS!!!

Anyways ... this is beginning to ramble ... so I'll bring it to a close .... I got back home at after 9pm having travelled about 400 miles all around the north of Scotland .. but having had a great laugh!! Tam and Vicki .. thank you for cheering me up BIG TIME!!

'NUMPTY'

Scotland's favourite word is "numpty" and I love it! There are many expressive Scottish words in use and with the right dialect, volume and tone ..... these sound fantastic.

Children's charity "I Can" did an online survey to find the favourite words from all over the UK. Everyone paid £1 to enter their favourite onto a word wall and the results were collated. If you want to read more ..... the BBC news page has the info.

This has got my brain a ticking and I have come up with this list of MY favourite 10 scottish words ......

1. Numpty - fool, idiot
2. Peelywally - pale - my legs are looking a bit peelywally
3. Bowfin - horrible, disgusting
4. Crabbit - grumpy, bad mood
5. Dreich - miserable, cold, wet weather
6. Glaikit - glazed expression, stupid
7. Shoogle - shake
8. Keek - look
9. Wheesht - be quiet
10. Gutters - mud

... the list is endless.

The shame of it

OMG ... never before have I travelled to the mighty Murrayfield and watched such a dire and embarrassing game as I did yesterday!!! Scotland v Italy in the 6 Nations tournament!! I thought I was in a nightmare ---- Scotland 0 ... Italy 21 and that was after less than 6 minutes of the match being played.

I was in the South Stand and oh what joy ... right next to a mass of Italian supporters .. whoopee :o) If I hadn't been there with 30 kids I would have been a little more "vocal" in my encouragement of the home side and could have replied a little more ... erm .... colourfully to our Italian visitors.

I think the less I continue with this blog the better ....
I will put it all behind me and look forward (with dread) to the Scotland v Ireland game !!