Calvaliers and Roundheads

*** WARNING *** ADULT CONTENT *** WARNING ***

Well I said I would post about the "wee op" and here goes ...

From the heading some will be able to guess that the "wee op" was infact me allowing the surgeon to take a scalpel to my 'bits' and circumcise me. OUCH!



After plucking up the courage, after a LONG time, I decided that a problem that I had (phimosis) needed fixing and I wasn't going to put it off any longer. I did a lot of research on the internet and ploughed through all the rubbish from the "Pro Foreskin Lobby" - (jeez they are a fanatical bunch of weirdos)



and decided that I was going private for the op rather than having it done on the NHS. Other options for differnt solutions were not an option.



Why private? Well, until I started to research this problem I wasn't aware of the number of different "styles" of cut I can actually have. Now don't laugh!!! Sounds like going to the hairdressers - "What style would Sir like?" hahaha. NHS is a one style fits all.

I HATE hospitals and have a real, genuine fear of general anaesthetic so I searched out the best specialist surgeon I could and took the plunge to email and book a consultation. Within 20 minutes of sending an enquiry to the surgery I was emailed back by the Practice Manager and had my surgery booked for 1 week later and flights to London booked also. This is when I started to panic a little as things were moving VERY quickly ... possibly a little too quickly for my liking but with BA flights to London City Airport booked and paid for and the surgery and consultation paid for ... there was no pulling out now.

I didn't tell anyone what I was doing or anything about the surgery until 2 days before I was flying to get the chop. Even after letting family know that I was going into hospital for a bit of surgery, I still wasn't letting on what I was actually having done. My Mum was not happy that I was having surgery and I wasn't telling her or my Dad what I was having done. BUT .... this kind of op isn't the kind of conversation a mother, father and son should be having over the Sunday dinner table lol.

I flew done with no hassles at all ... and a lovely lunch on the plane courtesy of BA. I arrived in London at 13.05 and had the surgeons consultation at 13.25. Thankfully no time at all for worrying or talking myself out of the procedure.

I took a cab to the surgery and was met a reception by the theatre nurse and the practice manager. e sat down for a brief chat and to sign the papers etc before I was taken straight through to see Dr Z, the man who I was going to allow to become very intimate with me lmao.

I had a 30 minute consultation going through all the procedure from start to finish, the aftercare and the possible PROBLEMS!!!! It was then that I had to jump on the consulting table and get my trousers round my ankles for an examination. The EVIL NASTY PPAIN INDUCING BAST*RD only wanted to do something to me that was going to make me hit the roof with pain. "Can you suffer some pain for a short time for me to allow you to see what you will look like after surgery?" NO YOU FU*KING CANNOT. He did laugh and took it in good spirits. He decided it was probably best not to until I was 'frozen up'.

He took me through to the theatre room and I met the theatre nurse again. I was stripped to the waist and laid upon the bed, smothered in freezing cold iodine (as if I wasn't small enough with fear of getting the chop hahaha). It was then that the pain started to become real. 6 injections into my manhood OUCH OUCH OUCH. That was SOOOOOOOO painful and not something I ever wish to feel again lol. Dr Z then did what he wanted to do with no anaesthetic ... and then wanted me to look ... BLOOD! BLOOD everywhere. How the hell he expected me to go through THAT with no anaesthetic I don't know.



He got down to work and encouraged me to watch what was going on. I declined the offer ;o) Out of the corner of my eye I start to notice smoke coming from where he's working. The smell of burning flesh .... I can't go to a BBQ without having flashbacks lol. He was using something like a bleddy soldering iron to seal blood vessels.

The op was over quite quickly and he was sewing me up when I started to feel the needle. The last 5 or 6 stitches were a bit uncomfortable but I was being wrapped in pressure bandages and sent to a recovery room to drink lots of water.

Everything was fine, no pain and I was discharged. Off to the airport and flight back home.

The pain hit when I got home. I could not get any sleep for hours and managed to drift off for about an hour or so. I woke to find myself soaked in blood. PANIC !! I was NOT expecting to wake finding myself and the bedclothes covered in blood. Not just spots of the red stuff .... I was saturated. The pain was tear inducing and I decided this was not what should be happening and called Dr Z. He was fantastic and gave me instructions, advice and put my mind at rest.

I had to call for help from my folks. I could hardly walk hahaha John Wayne walking was my speciality lmao. I obviously explained to the folks what I had been through and within the hour I was being driven to the folks house to be looked after. It is VERY strange to be looked after when you are 34 and especially when I left home at 18 yrs old and being a very independent person ... this was quite difficult for me.

I wasn't allowed to shower or bath for a week - OMG - I love hot showers every day and this was a bit alien hahaha. After a week I was allowed to have a warm salt water bath and I had to CAREFULLY remove the pressure bandgae. Well .... the sight was a shock! My Gran had a new shoulder operation and her wound had 12 stitches. Now I am not bragging or anything .... BUT ... my "wee op" had 30 stitches. The sight of a mans prized posession covered in dried blood and swollen (not in a nice way) and looking like a crochet project gone wrong ... was not a good sight. The bath on the other hand was LOVELY! I had to take 2 of these warm salt baths a day.

Still in huge amounts of pain though and still walking like John Wayne. I was doing some more research on the internet when I came across a mens health site with an adult circumcision help forum. Thank God there were others who were sharing experiences and tips for faster recovery. I made a few really good mates on there and continue to chat to them.

The surgeon told me I would have 2 weeks off my work (I was on holidays at the time) give or take a week. He had told me of a guy who went back to work the following morning hahahahahaha ... I was the exception and had 3 weeks of pain. After the third week I was safe enough to be left alone and comfotable enough to be able to sit and drive.

Now, 3 months on everything is fine, back to normal, functioning fully and I am sssssoooooooooo glad that I eventually had something done about the wee problem hahaha.



Jeez ... this is a really long post and I expect you are all asleep by this time or thinking 'what a wuss he don't know what pain is'. hahahaha Believe me ... I don't ever want to experience pain like I have done with this.

OUCH

Howdy all in Blogland

Just a short message to say I am recovering from the surgery, very tender and popping painkillers like smarties!

If I had known a simple op was going to take weeks to heal I may not have bothered lol - I am VERY impatient and don't make a good patient hahaha

Staying with the family at the moment cause I haven't been able to do much but should be home and back to "normal" soon hahaha

Hope you are all well xxxxx

I'll tell you all about the burning flesh and smoke, 6 injections instead of 3, the bloodbath, delayed flights and a very sorry for himself Scotz in a post next week ... oh I can so tell everyone wants to hear my woes pmsl xx

Awful week and worse weekend!

After making such a great recovery from major surgery, and with things looking all rosey and bright, things started to take a turn for the worse!

Dad was doing so well and looking so well in HDU that the decision was made to take him to his side room on the ward to recover. Big mistake!!! Things started to go downhill and he was in great amounts of pain and discomfort. He worked through it and 2 days later was feeling better. I got a phone call the next day to tell me that he was back in HDU and things were looking bad. I didn't realise just how bad that actually was until Friday.

A txt came through on my mobile to tell me that Dad had been transferred from Perth HDU to Dundee Intensive Care Unit by ambulance, with emergency doctor with all lights and sirens blaring! Things were not right at all and he may need yet more surgery.

I was with Mum when we got a call about an hour later to say that he was in Intensive Care and was settling comfortably. I went to visit friends and about 30 minutes later, Mum phoned; the surgeon had called to say Dad had deteriorated drastically and could not wait any longer, he would have to operate immediately. We were assured that it was pointless making our way to Dundee again as he would be in theatre and be sedated until the morning.

Mum and my sister went to see him first thing yesterday and were pulled aside by the doctor when they arrived. He had had his gall bladder drained but because it had been so enlarged it had been pressing everything upwards inside Dad and his kidneys were not working. Huge amounts of toxins were in his bloodstream and the MRSA was highly active. It was at this point he told Mum and wee Sis that he might not survive and to expect the worse!

Mum called me and I called round the family and friends to let them know the situation. Tears streaming down my face and voice cracking .... it was tough ... and I wanted to be there for Mum so couldn't show how upset I actually was at the news. My brother is out in the Maldives at the moment but we decided he had to know and she called him.

I went in with Mum and Aunt today. I never thought I would say this but THANK GOD Dad is a stubborn git!!!!! LOL He had a really good night in Intensive Care and whilst we were there today he came off the ventillator and had the breathing tubes removed. He was just about to have 4 hours of dialysis to purify his blood as the kidneys are not working. This will continue as long as the kidneys take to work again, if they start again at all.

He is still in a critical condition and things have a VERY long way to get back to where they were only last week, but I was so relieved after seeing and speaking to him today. There are monitors and screens and wires and tubes everywhere but I know he is in the best place possible for him at the moment.

To cap things off, when I was visiting friends on Friday night (before all the phone calls) another friend arrived unannounced. He had just come from hospital in Glasgow (despite what it seems .... we are not all ill buggers up here LOL) with the news that after bleeding from his eyes and having had numerous tests and scans etc over a week in hospital, he has been told he has a tumour that cannot be operated on and has between 3 and 6 months to live! FFS .. WHAT THE FUCK HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE ALL OF THIS ??????? I just feel that my whole world is crashing around my ears at the moment. Famiy and friends are great and VERY supportive ... thankfully! I think I'd be a greetin' wreck if they weren't.

I apologise for not visiting and posting as much as normal and apologise for not chatting to those I normally spend hours talking to, I have been a little "short" with some folks and ... I just have one or two things on my mind :o) hahahaha ... if I didn't laugh I'd cry :o) xxxxxxxx

the 'old man'

HUGE hugs and thanks for those asking for my dad and for the emails I have received .. much appreciated!!! XXXXXXXXXX mwah

I got a phone call on Sunday evening from my dad ... there was no real purpose for the call, he was calling my brothers, sister and I before he went into hospital and I later found out from my mum that he was in tears after the calls. He had decided that he was not coming back from the operating theatre alive! Mum, who was holding it together told me this later and I was in tears myself.

He went into theatre on Monday morning at 9.20am and I called the hospital at 4pm to see how he was recovering. I was a bit shocked and worried when they told me that he was STILL in the theatre. He got out at 6pm that night! I had visions of the surgeons opening their "piece box" and having their sandwiches and flasks of coffee in the middle of the operation lmao

The surgeons had said that everything went well but it was much more complicated than they had first thought and dad almost went into renal failure during the operation! FFS ... he doesn't like to do things by half!

I called the High Dependency Unit to get the latest and was greeted with a friendly nurse saying " *Scots* is that you?" [*insert any name you wish hahaha] It was a friend of mine from school who is looking after him :o) pmsl He couldn't be in better hands.

I went in this evening to see him after finishing work and had a right good blether. He was getting pretty emotional again when he was telling me that he thought he wasn't going to make it. This was a bit of a shocker for me as my dad has NEVER been the emotional type at all.

He is looking fantastic - if that is possible attached to lots of machines hahaha ... but the surgeons are really pleased and he is moving to his wee pvt room (the lucky bugger) probably tomorrow. He still has a long way to go but everything has been corrected and is all in working order again!

My mum has gotten so used to driving his car that he has decided that it would be too much hassle to get it back so he's going to have to buy another for himself hahahahahaha .... good on my mum!

She took great delight in calling his district nurses (who have been absolutely feckin amazing) to tell them that they can collect the 3 boxes of medical supplies from the house as he won't be needing them lol It will be strange not seeing them around as they have been visiting almost daily for the past few months :o)

I must confess that it was a HUGE relief to get the good news and to see how well he actually looks. It may sound a bit weird, but seeing him today, he looked more healthy than he has done for months - even though he is attached to so many machines etc at the moment.

Thanks again for the concern, messages and emails ... love you all loads XXXXXXXXX

He's out!!

After 10 weeks in hospital with complication after complication he is at last free and recovering at home.

My dad has been stuck in hospital for 10 weeks now after being admitted with a perforated bowel and requiring emergency surgery not once but twice. He got the good news from his surgeon that he could go home to recover before being readmitted in 3 months time for the final operation to rejoin the bowel.

He has had a rough ride of things - his GP had originally given him painkillers - huh - having the initial surgery and the tense wait to see if cancer was the culprit (thankfully not), having to go to theatre again as the first op hadn't worked properly, spending a tense few days in intensive care on a ventillator as his heart rate was 174 and he couldn't breathe, catching some sort of infection that meant he was sent to high dependency and finally catching MRSA and being put in isolation! PHEW!!

I can't praise the surgeons, consultants, doctors and nurses enough! They have made him as comfortable as possible and looked after him ; guiding him through all the worries and upset and they looked after my mum so well too. A massive thanks from me. I need to thanks in particular the staff of Ward 1 in Perth Royal Infirmary, the staff of the High Dependency Unit and the Intensive Care Staff ... I send huge hugs and kisses :o)

Whatever Next?????

Well, technical problems over, thought I had better touch base with the blog and bring myself up-to-date!

It hasn't been an easy couple of weeks - back to work for a start after two glorious weeks of sunshine and heat. My bloody office was 26.5 degrees last Monday! Now that wasn't the best start and I had a service manangers visit too! Lots of crap over the Easter Holidays and it all hit the fan when school started and we've been clearing up the pieces ever since.

The ongoing saga of my poor dad continues! He was supposed to be getting out of hospital 2 weeks ago but there was a further complication and he was straight back to the ward. He had an infection and was sent to the high dependency unit AGAIN and now ... after being in hospital for 9 weeks he has MRSA and is back in isolation! One good thing that has come of all this ..... my dad's side of the family have started talking again. There was a rift in the family and some of his sisters and brothers stopped talking to each other some time ago. This, and the sad death of his younger sister seem to have the 'clan' chatting again!

It hasn't been all gloom and doom though ....

I was visiting my Godson .. he is 7 years old now and a gorgeous, kind, loving wee star! I met him and his mum when I was doing a bit of shopping and he asked when I was coming to visit - we arranged a time and he had apparently been bugging his mum, "How many sleeps?" for the full week till I arrived hahaha I love that!! I only have 6 more sleeps till the next weekend :o) LMAO

I was invited to my previous school to see their musical performance of The Pied Piper of Hamlyn. For a group of primary school kids, their performance was excellent and very professional! The main cast members and singers kept the packed audience enthralled, I was sitting, foot tapping to the music and huge smile on my face at their performance - A huge pat on the back for them and the teachers involved. I was so proud of all the kids and still miss them all. It has almost been a year since I moved to my new post in another local authroity but you can't work in a school for nine years and not become attached to the pupils, teachers, staff and families - it was GREAT to meet them all again.

Right I am waffling a load of guff now and this has turned out to be a bit of a boring post so I shall stop! I may be back later today with more rantings of looney as I am supposed to be painting and decorating downstairs but really can't be bothered with it now that I have started!

Catch-Up

Well this Easter Holidays lark is playing havoc with my body clock! I am used to getting up at 6.00am and heading to work at 7.30am , but these long lies in my bed and switching on the television to morning and daytime tv crap are beginning to do my head in - and I never thought I would be saying that!!!!!

I am a bit of a work-a-holic ... okay .. I am a complete work-a-holic and if I am not leaving the country for a holiday ... they tend to drag on a bit and I get bored. It's not as if I couldn't be busy ... the hall needs decorating as does the main bedroom and the lounge and the bathroom floor needs re-grouting ... can I be arsed??? erm NO.

Today I am going to get myself off up the road to the salon where I can get my hair cut and be pampered with a head massage and get up to the hospital to visit my dad.

Yes ... he is still in hospital. The poor guy was supposed to be getting out at the end of last week ... but hey .. you guessed .. with all of his luck there was a complication and he's still there! One foot out of the bed in the ward and thoughts of home ..... then DISASTER and his wound starts leaking some really foul substance! I won't go into to too many details .. I am nearly barfing myself just thinking about it. Needless to say .. more hospital and more time bored out of his mind. He was able to tell me how many tiles were on the roof ffs .... not that I was gonna dispute the number and count them myself - I'll let him win that one :o)

I was told to get some photographs in here by a mate and .... well ... I might do so if I am feeling brave! I have only just passed this blog site to one or two 'trusted' peeps .. I am a shy chappy and I am careful about who I want finding out more about me .. hahaha .... says me with a blog on the web PMSL.

I must get rid of my car and get a new one. I keep stalling and hoping it will just happen for me .. but I don't think the "new car fairy" is gonna visit me soon ..... sh*t ... I need to get a grip and get rid ... It's only a fecking car FFS.

Right .. enough for now ...... I need to be fed and watered and head to the salon for some tlc :o) It is the time of month that I secretly love and dread .... I love the pampering .... glass of wine when I arrive and well looked after .. but dread because working in a school ... there are lots of heads with little creepy crawly visitors and I am petrified I get them and they are discovered whilst I am sitting in the hairdressers chair hahahaha ...thankfully in the ten years of working in school ... I have NEVER had the nits :o) here's a little piccy .... I bet your head starts to itch ... mine has :o) hahaha

I am Back!!

Hi all ... I say "all" but how do I know if anyone is actually reading this drivel??? Well ... here goes anyway......

It has been a while since my last post but I have been concentrating my energies on my dad who has been in hospital. It was all looking a bit didgy for a while - after his operation he has to go for a second because of complications and then the poor guy was rushed to intensive care and put on a ventilator after breathing difficulties and a heart rate of 174.

The fantastic nurses, doctors, consultants and surgeons have done an amazing job and my dad is now on a ward and recovering well - no machines attached and looking forward to getting out and home soon! I just don't know if my mum is looking forward to having him back ha ha ha - she has full control of the television and the car at the moment :o)

I found this wee cartoon .... thank goodness this wasn't the case ------>>>>>



I think my dad would have suffered rather than have some dodgy character giving mouth to mouth ha ha ha.

UP's 'n' Downs

The week started with me having a stinking cold and feeling like sh*t but I was lifted up when I had news of my cousins new arrival - a baby daughter - Kadie ... a little sister for my Godson Josh and his brother Jack.



Then middle of the week as my cold was gradually getting worse I had a call from my mum to say dad was getting taken into hospital with severe stomach pains. The poor guy has only just retired and has spent all of last summer in hospital after docs found a DVT - thankfully before he was about to fly on holiday, 3 days later!!! Now .. a perforated bowel ... laid up in hospital again!

I cannot believe what they are "cutting" away from his insides .... and they are checking for cancer also OMG!!

The op went well last night, apart from lasting for double the time we were advised initially from the surgeons, and he is now in the High Dependency Unit recovering. Here's hoping that it is a speedy recovery and he is back to his usual grumpy self soon :o) - love ya!!

Here's for a better week .............