THAT'S ALL FOLKS

My time is currently being split in too many directions and I need to take a time-out for myself. Mctavish is fine and currently awaiting surgery and we have been told this week (never in a rush) that the toe will be amputated and not the leg! phew

For now .......



I will be checking back and leaving comments .... you don't get rid of me that easily!! I am just needing some "me" time and as you have seen (if you've been looking lol ... blogging isn't at the top of the agenda atm.



Love you all, take care and see ya soon XXX

Happy Easter

Wishing you all a very happy Easter time. 'Lang may yer eggs roll' lmao

A wee Easter poem for ya's all -

Funny Bunny

Little Easter, the comedienne bunny,
Tried too hard at being funny.
She juggled and she dropped the eggs
They fell and smashed between her legs.

Poor Easter left the stage in shame
And thought that she might change her name.
But then that bunny read this ad,
"This Sunday we need help real bad."

So Easter Bunny kept her name
And through the years has gained much fame,
When Easter's Sunday comes each year.
She delivers eggs and we all cheer.

(Grandpa Tucker)



Marmy ... hope this answers your question - nice tartan wrapped eggs lmfao

Stolen blog posting

I am yet again bowing to the blogging prowess of that guru of all things blog - newplanet!

I had such a good laugh at his urban dictionary post that I thought I would give it a go. I had 7 pages of entries for my name so I am not going to post them all here.

All I did was post my name in an urban dictionary search and here are a few of the entries it came up with. (some of the 'contributors' are obviously obsessed by the size of their manhood lol)

here we go ....


1. James

Someone who is un usually well hung. People with the name James are generally known for their good looks (especially the eyes) and women are just simply attracted to them.
"Oh Yeah, he's definately a James"


2. James

A name for someone who is absolutely fantastic and is your favourite.
"That James is by far my favourite, no matter what!"


3. James

In early European lore the demigod James was said to possess unrivaled charm and seductive prowess in addition to having genitalia of supernatural size. Throughout medieval times and up until the late Renaissance, Pagan and Christian farmers routinely prayed to James as a god of fertility, believing that his massive penis would inspire them to spectacular heights of fertility. Today, the term James still carries with it subtexts of truly gigantic genitals which is perhaps why James is the name most frequently given to male newborns in the United States.
Currently the word James can be used to mean an enormous penis and anyone with that name can be assumed to possess a heavy and girthy penis.
"Man, check out that James!"

"Look at the buldge in his trousers, he MUST have a James in there girlfriend!"

"I don't think I could ever fit a James in my mouth."


4. James

The best guy in the world. He is the most amazing, perfect, handsome, charming, lovable, and cuddliest man on the planet. He is very sweet and will brighten up your day just by smiling. he has very bright and beautiful hazel eyes and kinda darkish brown hair. Hes very funny and he likes to laugh a lot.
oh... my gosh... did u just see that really cute guy?

"Yup, he looks like a James."


5. James

An absolutely perfect organism that is an inspiration to all other life on earth. He combines good looks and clear thinking, in the end resulting in an amazing Philosopher-like Demigod of unbeknownst power. No Women can resist a James, except those whose names begin with a N. Those women exist to attempt to destroy such James' in a ritual known as dating.
"(Calling Role)
Teacher: James?
James: Yes?
Teacher: Oh I just wanted to beg forgiveness for profaning your perfect name with my unworthy tongue.
James: You are forgiven, oh imperfect one."


The above postings were obviously chosen at random hahahahaha

Witty pilots

Actual exchanges between pilots and control towers



Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"

*****

Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."
TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

*****

From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm f...ing bored!"
Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"

*****

O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."
United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this...I've got the little Fokker in sight."

*****

A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position?"
Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."

*****

A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down.
San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."

*****

A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich , overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German): " Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany . Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war!"


*****

Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way,after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
BR Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."

*****

One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"
The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."

*****

The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: " Frankfurt , Speedbird 206! clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- And I didn't land."

Sun, Sea, Sand and S......

My thoughts are turning to Summer time and holidays. My problem is that I can't decide where in this vast world to go. It's not just me to consider however, 3 of my friends are also coming along.

I want to go back to Barbados. I love the Caribbean and especially the island of Barbados. Lots of white, fine sand and palm tree lined beaches, rum punch and great, laid back hospitality.



Maybe a trip back to Egypt. I adore this country and it's amazing, mystical history. The sphynx and pyramids were awe inspiring and to get inside the pyramids was breathtaking.



I have always wanted to go on a cruise. Huge, luxury cruise ship making it's way through the oceans and seas of the world, docking in some of the most exotic ports around the world.



Safari has also been one of my all time holiday greats. Getting out into the Kenyan plains and trying to spot the big 5 in their natural environment.



I have a friend who has her own diving school in northern cyprus and the thought of diving in the clear turquoise seas and spotting turtles swimming by is very tempting.



A holiday on a barge is also a hot favourite. Barging through the canals, stopping at the canal side pubs .... hmmmmm lovely!



The bright lights and attractions of London are also an option. Take in all the tourist sights, a musical or two and enjoy the big city.



Canada. I love this country. I have always wanted to tour from one coast of this amazing country to the other in a winnebago - going wherever we want and stopping whenever we needed.



I just have too many options. I started to discuss these with 2 of the friends who will be coming along and one of them suggested this .......



Oh dear, what am I to do? lol

The good old days

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and drank while they carried us and lived in houses made of asbestos. They took aspirin, ate raw egg products, loads of bacon & processed meat, tuna from a can and didn't get tested for diabetes or cervical cancer.

After that trauma, our cots were covered with bright coloured lead based paints. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes we had no helmets or shoes ... not to mention the risks we took hitchhiking.

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags. We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle. Take away food was limited to fish & chips wrapped in newspaper - not pizza shops and Mcdonalds, KFC or Nandos. Even though the shops shut at 6pm and did not open at the weekends we did not starve. We shared one soft drink with four friends from the same bottle and not one died of this.

We use to collect old drink bottles & cash them in at the corner shop for sweets and bangers to blow frogs up with. We ate cakes, white bread with real butter and drank soft drinks with sugar in but we were not overweight because we were always outside playing. We would leave home in the morning and play all day as long as we were back home when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day long and we were ok. We would spend hours building go carts and then ride them down hill with no brakes, we built tree houses and dens and played in the river. We did not have Playstations, Nintendo or have 999 channels on the tv. No mobile phones or personal computers or the internet but we did have friends and we went outside and found them.

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and there were no lawsuits from these accidents. Only girls had pierced ears. We ate worms and mud pies. You could only buy Easter eggs & hot cross buns at Easter time. We were given air guns & catapults for our 10th birthday, we rode bikes or walked to our mates and mum did not have to go to work to help dad to make ends meet.

Our teachers use to hit us with canes, the leather strap and gym shoes and bullies always ruled the school playground. The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of - they actually sided with the law!

Our parents did not invent stupid names like Kiaora, Blade, Blackcurrant & Rainbow. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility and we learnt how to deal with it. Thank God we didn’t have the health and safety brigade back then!

(I cannot take the credit for this but it certainly rang true for me lol so thought I'd share)

Meme

Just stolen from newplanet ......

1. Where is your cell phone? pocket
2. Your significant other? who?
3. Your hair? disappearing
4. Your mother? loving
5. Your father? retired
6. Your favourite thing? love
7. Your dream last night? x-rated
8. Your favourite drink? Coke
9. Your dream/goal? peace
10. What room you are in? lounge
11. Your hobby? curling
12. Your fear? loneliness
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? abroad
14. Where were you last night? bed
16. Muffins? blueberry
17. Wish list item? house
18. Where you grew up? Crieff
19. Last thing you did? eat
20. What are you wearing? clothes
21. Your TV? on
22. Your pets? none
23. Friends? close
24. Your life? good
25. Your mood? happy
26. Missing someone? yes
27. Car? silver
28. Something you're not wearing? shoes
29. Your favourite store? Sainsburys
30. Your favourite colour? purple
33. When is the last time you laughed? earlier
34. Last time you cried? Sunday
35. Who will resend this? nobody
36. One place that you go to over and over? school
38. Your favourite place to eat? Corierri's
39. Why you participated in this survey? bored
40. What are you doing tonight? shopping

That KODAK moment

I love it when you get back from a holiday and you look at the photos ..... then spot something unexpected in the background lol

I was sent this as an email and felt the need to share ......

Awwww

Had a shit of a day and this cheered me up!

Also sending this gorgeous heart to everyone who reads this blog, hope it brightens up a dull day xx

The Bells ...

... wedding ones .... and jeezo - deffo not mine!

A right guid Scottish 'shin-dig' was had at the tail end of last year when my best friend of many years was getting married to another good friend of mine.

Vicki and Tam, friends for years, decided ... at last ... to tie the knot and become 'official' lol



The night before, we were all out at the hotel setting up table decorations, place settings and helium balloons hahaha ... oh the joys of helium never fade!

I was tasked with the job of usher and was given a reading to do at the church - being a teacher and used to public speaking does have some disadvantages - everyone thinks you won't mind making speeches and readings. Ah well, it was for great friends, so all was well. A cheeky slug or two from the hip flask certainly helped to settle any nerves lol

The day of the wedding arrived and I got kitted out in the kilt ... and being a true Scotsman, there was no need for any undies!! It also has the advantage of having one less item of clothing to take off at night when you've been drinking alcohol all day and night and maybe be a little worse for wear.



The bride was piped into the church by a school friend and great guy with the bagpipes. Highland Cathedral - god I love that tune!

The deed done and the happy couple now officially Mr & Mrs, it was off to the hotel for the knees up and meal.

There was a good bit of hanging around for the official photos to be taken which just meant a great deal of drinking time lol One of the bridesmaids stole my hip flask from my sporran and had a good drink ... bloody cheek!

After all 200 dinner guests took their seats in the hotel dining room, the happy couple posed for photos and cut the cake!



The meal was beautiful and so was the wine and champagne lol

It was back to the bar after the meal to allow the disco to set up for the nights entertainment. I have no idea how much I had been drinking but by the time another 200 evening guests had arrived and the disco and ceilidh music had started, I was well oiled. I must have been a little under the influence because I managed to get hauled onto the dance floor by the bride - not something that I usually do lol



As a guest at the hotel, with my room booked, I was able to take advantage of an all night bar hahaha ... myself, one of the bridesmaids, the bride and groom and a couple of the guests had a couple of nightcaps before heading to bed (not all together lmao)

A FABULOUS wedding for 2 FABBY friends!

Homework

A little something I was sent ......

The moral of the story - CHECK YOUR CHILD'S HOMEWORK



(Here's the reply the teacher received the following day)

Dear Mrs. Jones,
I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic dancer.
The truth is I work at Home Depot and I told my daughter how hectic it was last week before the blizzard hit. I told her we sold out every single shovel we had, and then I found one more in the back room, and that several people were fighting over who would get it. Her picture doesn't show me dancing around a pole. It's supposed to depict me selling the last snow shovel we had at Home Depot.
>From now on I will remember to check her homework more thoroughly before she turns it in.
Sincerely,
Mrs. Smith

Some video clips to bring a smile

Women drivers .... I am saying NOTHING .... the video speaks for itself! LMAO




Upgrading your mobile phone? Fancy placing an order for one of these?




Don't judge too quickly ...

Back ......... again

Well ....... don't want to count the number of times I have said this .... but here I am again!

Have been super busy ... lots of family stuff been happening over the past couple of months.

The BEST news is my new baby nephew Calum. Super gorgeous little bundle of joy - well, I can say that because I don't have to put up with the screaming, constant feeding, burping, peeing and pooing ........ oh the joy of being an uncle - you can hand them back LOL

The bad news involves me old dad "McTavish". As if everything he has been through already wasn't enough, he got MORE bad news! The kind of bad news that involves amputation!

After all of the health issues he was sent back to hospital with a "toe infection". Now, to me that sounds pretty harmless ..... oh no .... can't be simple or harmless for me old pops .... the toe has to come off! Well, that was the best of the diagnosis. 'The best?' I hear you cry .. YES. The next bit of news was met with stunned silence, only the sound of jaws hitting the ground could be heard! Amputation of the LEG may be needed as there may be poor blood supply to be able to save his leg! The toe is now in the early stages of gangrene and we are awaiting the results of the latest scan to find out if it's a toe for the chop or a leg.

So, when I say that things have been kinda hectic and intense, you now know - it's been a laugh or cry situation .. the more laughs the better - drowns out the bad!

Ink

Been thinking about getting a tattoo .... very patriotic .... comments on this ...



maybe this ....

playing with my stones!

Some people have filthy minds!!! I meant playing with the curling stones!

Having NEVER stepped onto an ice-rink and NEVER played a ngame of curling - I was recruited by a curling team and placed into a league playing other teams who have been playing for many years.

Now, for those who have never heard of curling or have never seen a curling match on tv, here's a little intro ...

The aim of the game is to get your curling stones as close to the centre of the target (house) as possible and closer than your opposing teams stones. All of this is done by pushing 44lb granite stones up a sheet of ice. A bit like a game of bowls and a game of chess mixed together and played on ice.



Teams of four play against another team of four with each team member curling 2 stones each. The skip lets each team member know where to try and curl their stone each time and if you are not curling then you are sweeping! Little did I know just how energetic curling actually was.



The sport originated from Scotland and was played outside on frozen lakes. Records take the sport back to 1511 in Dunblane, Scotland.



Now ..... imagine the icy slippy pavement in winter ..... and then imagine that not being slippy enough and adding a smooth, slippy sole to one of your shoes and chasing after a 44lb polished, granite stone up a sheet of ice with a brush in your hand .... yep .... that's me :D hahahaha

Here's how it should be done ...



Anyway .. not content with training and coaching sessions and being recruited by a team I also joined another league ..... maybe the cold and the ice are my thing afterall pmsl

Wind Turbines

I was having a read at some old posts and found this from April 2007. I was out passing this spot again yesterday on the way to Sunday Dinner and had to stop to take a piccy or two.



This spot is about 10 minutes drive from my place and I love the views. Well, there goes my hard exterior image lmao. Scots likes the views in the countryside hahaha. Anyway, there were a lot of cars parked up with their occupants either walking through the hills, looking at the views or fishing on the loch.



I will turn the camera round a bit and show you the 'gorgeous' view of the "hidden" turbines ......



... now call me a bit thick if you like but, I can see a few white, giant turbines sticking out of the beautiful backdrop of the Ochil Hills in Clackmannanshire. I was a little puzzled as I thought they were to be HIDDEN from view. If I drive for and hour and over 60 miles, I can see them from the other side of the hills in Perthshire - very hidden NOT.

Now, I become a bit of a hypocrit here because I do now think that turbines are magical looking structures, towering above everyone and everything, slowly turning in the wind. I just don't think they should be placed in area of local beauty and interest, spoiling the view for evermore.

Puppy

Here are some pics of the gorgeous Collie puppy that my folks have running about their house.

He has been chasing everything and everyone that comes into the house. A right little bundle of fun.



I was hoping for the name "Hamish" but I will settle for "Skye" hahahaha

Calvaliers and Roundheads

*** WARNING *** ADULT CONTENT *** WARNING ***

Well I said I would post about the "wee op" and here goes ...

From the heading some will be able to guess that the "wee op" was infact me allowing the surgeon to take a scalpel to my 'bits' and circumcise me. OUCH!



After plucking up the courage, after a LONG time, I decided that a problem that I had (phimosis) needed fixing and I wasn't going to put it off any longer. I did a lot of research on the internet and ploughed through all the rubbish from the "Pro Foreskin Lobby" - (jeez they are a fanatical bunch of weirdos)



and decided that I was going private for the op rather than having it done on the NHS. Other options for differnt solutions were not an option.



Why private? Well, until I started to research this problem I wasn't aware of the number of different "styles" of cut I can actually have. Now don't laugh!!! Sounds like going to the hairdressers - "What style would Sir like?" hahaha. NHS is a one style fits all.

I HATE hospitals and have a real, genuine fear of general anaesthetic so I searched out the best specialist surgeon I could and took the plunge to email and book a consultation. Within 20 minutes of sending an enquiry to the surgery I was emailed back by the Practice Manager and had my surgery booked for 1 week later and flights to London booked also. This is when I started to panic a little as things were moving VERY quickly ... possibly a little too quickly for my liking but with BA flights to London City Airport booked and paid for and the surgery and consultation paid for ... there was no pulling out now.

I didn't tell anyone what I was doing or anything about the surgery until 2 days before I was flying to get the chop. Even after letting family know that I was going into hospital for a bit of surgery, I still wasn't letting on what I was actually having done. My Mum was not happy that I was having surgery and I wasn't telling her or my Dad what I was having done. BUT .... this kind of op isn't the kind of conversation a mother, father and son should be having over the Sunday dinner table lol.

I flew done with no hassles at all ... and a lovely lunch on the plane courtesy of BA. I arrived in London at 13.05 and had the surgeons consultation at 13.25. Thankfully no time at all for worrying or talking myself out of the procedure.

I took a cab to the surgery and was met a reception by the theatre nurse and the practice manager. e sat down for a brief chat and to sign the papers etc before I was taken straight through to see Dr Z, the man who I was going to allow to become very intimate with me lmao.

I had a 30 minute consultation going through all the procedure from start to finish, the aftercare and the possible PROBLEMS!!!! It was then that I had to jump on the consulting table and get my trousers round my ankles for an examination. The EVIL NASTY PPAIN INDUCING BAST*RD only wanted to do something to me that was going to make me hit the roof with pain. "Can you suffer some pain for a short time for me to allow you to see what you will look like after surgery?" NO YOU FU*KING CANNOT. He did laugh and took it in good spirits. He decided it was probably best not to until I was 'frozen up'.

He took me through to the theatre room and I met the theatre nurse again. I was stripped to the waist and laid upon the bed, smothered in freezing cold iodine (as if I wasn't small enough with fear of getting the chop hahaha). It was then that the pain started to become real. 6 injections into my manhood OUCH OUCH OUCH. That was SOOOOOOOO painful and not something I ever wish to feel again lol. Dr Z then did what he wanted to do with no anaesthetic ... and then wanted me to look ... BLOOD! BLOOD everywhere. How the hell he expected me to go through THAT with no anaesthetic I don't know.



He got down to work and encouraged me to watch what was going on. I declined the offer ;o) Out of the corner of my eye I start to notice smoke coming from where he's working. The smell of burning flesh .... I can't go to a BBQ without having flashbacks lol. He was using something like a bleddy soldering iron to seal blood vessels.

The op was over quite quickly and he was sewing me up when I started to feel the needle. The last 5 or 6 stitches were a bit uncomfortable but I was being wrapped in pressure bandages and sent to a recovery room to drink lots of water.

Everything was fine, no pain and I was discharged. Off to the airport and flight back home.

The pain hit when I got home. I could not get any sleep for hours and managed to drift off for about an hour or so. I woke to find myself soaked in blood. PANIC !! I was NOT expecting to wake finding myself and the bedclothes covered in blood. Not just spots of the red stuff .... I was saturated. The pain was tear inducing and I decided this was not what should be happening and called Dr Z. He was fantastic and gave me instructions, advice and put my mind at rest.

I had to call for help from my folks. I could hardly walk hahaha John Wayne walking was my speciality lmao. I obviously explained to the folks what I had been through and within the hour I was being driven to the folks house to be looked after. It is VERY strange to be looked after when you are 34 and especially when I left home at 18 yrs old and being a very independent person ... this was quite difficult for me.

I wasn't allowed to shower or bath for a week - OMG - I love hot showers every day and this was a bit alien hahaha. After a week I was allowed to have a warm salt water bath and I had to CAREFULLY remove the pressure bandgae. Well .... the sight was a shock! My Gran had a new shoulder operation and her wound had 12 stitches. Now I am not bragging or anything .... BUT ... my "wee op" had 30 stitches. The sight of a mans prized posession covered in dried blood and swollen (not in a nice way) and looking like a crochet project gone wrong ... was not a good sight. The bath on the other hand was LOVELY! I had to take 2 of these warm salt baths a day.

Still in huge amounts of pain though and still walking like John Wayne. I was doing some more research on the internet when I came across a mens health site with an adult circumcision help forum. Thank God there were others who were sharing experiences and tips for faster recovery. I made a few really good mates on there and continue to chat to them.

The surgeon told me I would have 2 weeks off my work (I was on holidays at the time) give or take a week. He had told me of a guy who went back to work the following morning hahahahahaha ... I was the exception and had 3 weeks of pain. After the third week I was safe enough to be left alone and comfotable enough to be able to sit and drive.

Now, 3 months on everything is fine, back to normal, functioning fully and I am sssssoooooooooo glad that I eventually had something done about the wee problem hahaha.



Jeez ... this is a really long post and I expect you are all asleep by this time or thinking 'what a wuss he don't know what pain is'. hahahaha Believe me ... I don't ever want to experience pain like I have done with this.

meme

I have 'borrowed' this from newplanet. Hope he don't mind. Time to find out more about li'l old me ...

1. What was your best job?
The one I have now, although it may be my next one.

2. What were your worst jobs?
Paper Boy when I was a nipper, I hated the early mornings and being out in all weathers.

3. Tell me all the places you worked.
Newspaper shop, Health Food shop, Hotel (kid’s club), Outdoor Activity and Training Centre (Assistant Manager), School.

4. Tell me about your best friend.
My oldest and ‘bestest’ friend is Vicki. We have been mates for years and will remain so for years to come. We have decided that we will be grumpy old gits together in our retiring years, a bit like Jack, Victor and Isa hahaha(Chewin The Fat). We tell each other MOST things. There are some things she doesn’t know about me and I am sure there are some I don’t know about her.

5. Tell me about your family.
Direct family – Mum, Dad, 2 younger brothers and a younger sister and sister in law. Lots of aunts and uncles, cousins and hangers on ;o) One neice or nephew on the way xx

6. Tell me about your relatives.
Too many to mention ... see above.

7. What was your first car?
A Ford Escort. God, I loved that first car. It was a piece of trash and gave you a foot bath when it was raining, but it was my first car. It came to a spectacular end when it was crushed by Big Foot at a public display of monster machines. Ah, the fame!!!

8. Favourite movie star?
Jodie Foster.

9. Favourite entertainer?
Ms Victoria Wood, Ms Karen Dunbar, Mr Frankie Boyle and Mr Craig Hill – my taste is far and wide!

10. Favourite song?
At the moment it is .

11. What were your life changing moments?
Leaving home and going to Uni, first job, promotion, love, yadda yadda yadda

12. First girlfriend/boyfriend?
Oh Jeez. First girlfriend was a lass called Angela when I was about 10 yrs old. Aww the memories ;o) No boyfriend.

13. First kiss?
First kiss would be Angela but first real kiss was an older girl (ooh get me) called Elaine. Apparently when I was younger I was classed as cute by the older girls ... hmmmm now, did I play on that fact or wot!

14. What is the dumbest thing you have ever done?
Reverse my car along the road to let a car pass, and drive right into a tree! Ha ha ha ... so many people saw me do it. I was SO embarrassed.

15. Have you ever been arrested?
No. Came close on a night out in Glasgow but that’s a whole different story – young jumped up police officer! Huh

16. Political affiliation?
Swinger ... as in my vote ya filthy gits!

17. Have you voted for someone you wished you hadn't?
Erm ... nope.

18. Have you used drugs?
As little as possible. Don't like doctors or hospitals and stay away as much as possible.

19. Do you like to shop?
I hate shopping with a passion. I was dragged round shops by a lass every Saturday when I was at Uni – It took all the fun (if it was ever fun) out of shopping!

20. Best way to relax?
A hot bath with lots of bubbles, relaxing music and a glass of something bubbly.

21. Favourite thing to do alone?
The least said about this one the better I feel.

22. Ever had a one night stand?
No comment – I am an angel and have no desire to tarnish my halo ;o)

23. Do you save money?
Yes.

24. What hobbies do you spend money on?
Eating out and drinking (do they count), theatre, concerts, curling. Can’t think of any more at the moment.

25. If you found a $100 note, what would you do?
Lose it again. Well, what use would foreign money be to me?

26. Do you want children/more children?
Possibly. It feels like I have 200 of them with my job though.

27. Are you a good parent?
I am not a parent but with 200 youngsters in my care it feels like I am sometimes and I think I do a damn good job.

28. What makes a good parent?
Love, compassion, understanding, good listener, fair ... the list goes on and on

29. Are you romantic?
I am a romantic at heart. Long winter walks beside the river with the snow falling, arm in arm with A N Other, wrapped up warm, stopping at a roasted chestnut stall at the riverside market and eating those as we walk home to a roaring real log fire to enjoy the rest of the afternoon ;o)

30. Ever lose a pet?
Yes.

31. Dog or cat?
Dog.

32. Pets growing up?
4 dogs, rabbit, guinea pig, birds, hamsters, goldfish.

33. Sleep in the nude?
Sometimes, but not when it’s cold.

34. Favourite midnight snack?
roasted cheese sandwich with lashings of Lea & Perrins.

35. Do you exercise?
I do a little but I have let my gym membership lapse and should really get back into the gym. Used to be there 4 times a week (an no I wasn't 'just' perving) – jeez what a glutton for punishment.

36. Did you ever see your parents making love?
Thankfully, NEVER!!!

37. Peanut butter and what?
I hate peanut butter.

38. What is one food you will never give up?
Pasta.

39. What is a food you can live without?
Anything with a creamy sauce.

40. Favourite drink?
Coke – addicted to the stuff.

41. Perfect day?
Beautiful sunlight streaming through the window. Get up and open the door to the sounds of the sea lapping against the shore and the birds singing in the trees. Breakfast outside in the garden under the sun. Walk along the beach. Take a swim in the sea and lie under the sun to dry off ..... you get the picture ... Do I need to go on?

42. How many CDs do you own?
Far too many.

43. How many DVDs do you own?
Again, far too many.

44. Favourite thing to spend money on?
Food, drink and travel.

45. What is the weirdest thing about you?
Erm ... curl my tongue.

46. What is on your bedside table?
Lamp, alarm clock, phone and a book.

47. Are you cheap or thrifty?
A bit of both depending on my mood lol but prefer to be neither.

48. Ever been in love with two people at the same time?
No. Have I ever really been in love?

49. Grades in high school?
Not too good but they were good enough to get me into Uni and a job I love.

50. Favourite teacher and why?
Mrs Anderson. Old (really old) teacher who had actually taught my mum when she was at primary school too. She lived along the road from us and I used to get sent on messages to her house if she’d forgotten something. I still remember little tricks of the trade she taught me. When I became a teacher she offered me her Lochgelly Tause ;o) hahaha

51. Relatives in jail?
Nope.

52. Toppings on pizza?
I like plain cheese n tomato with torn basil leaves and pesto with black pepper and parmesan.

53. Black or white?
White or black underwear but not multicoloured.

54. Glass half full or half empty?
Kinda depends ... mostly half full unless I am in a really depressed mood.

55. Ever been to a food shelf?
Almost daily at the supermarket.

56. Ever milked a cow?
Nope. Cows are WAY to big and ugly to go near those bits!

57. Ever tipped a cow?
Nope. Poor beast!

58. Bath or shower?
Prefer a shower, although mine has given up the ghost this morning ... Imagine my reaction when I jumped under a freezing cold jet of water this morning! Hahaha I do like to relax in a hot bath though!

59. Mountains or the beach?
Beach.

60. Plane, train or automobile?
I love flying so planes all the way.

61. Favourite all time movie?
Too many good un’s to choose from.

62. Worst movie you have ever seen?
Hadalgo – it’s a long story, don’t ask!

63. Best concert you have been to?
Don’t laugh too much ... Deacon Blue. Was in Glasgow and the party started on the train with friends on the way through with bubbly and Pimms hahahaha A great meal, almost got caught up in a fight (see above almost arrested) blagged great area that we hadn’t paid for and had a great night.

64. Beer, wine or coffee?
Wine.

65. Best vacation?
Barbados or Egypt are probably the best and most memorable.

66. If you could retire tomorrow what would you do?
Travel round the world on a luxury cruise liner.

67. Worst vacation?
Haven’t had a bad one really.

68. Three places you would love to visit?
Kenya, Canada and NYC.

69. Worst boss?
Nasty bitch of a HT who didn’t back me up when I was assaulted by a pupil. She took action though when the little ****** assaulted her ;o) Oh how I laughed!

70. If you could do anything what would it be?
I am a great believer in the spirit life and trying not to be too similar to newplanet, I’d love to me able to speak to the spirit world as a medium.

71. Super powers you wish you had?
Wish I could fly.

72. Ever had a massage?
No. Couldn’t imagine anything worse. I hate being “exposed” and under someone’s control.

73. Ideal romantic dinner?
Gorgeous company, candlelit Italian meal, beautiful wine ..... and who knows. ;o)

74. Dumbest purchase you ever made?
My last car. Had my “turning 30 crisis” and bought a fabulous sports car but had no thought about the money I’d be shelling out on petrol every day as I travel over 60 miles a day to work.

75. Where did you find money when you were flat broke?
I have always had a job of some sort. I used credit cards (EVIL) and decided to get rid of them all (yes, I had 3 maxed out cards) as I was getting further and further into debt. Mum and Dad were FANTASTIC when I was desperate at Uni.

76. Ever sold blood?
Sold blood? What the hell????? I don’t even give blood to the Blood Transfusion Service – it’s mine, all mine!

77. What sporting event/concert/entertainment would you buy tickets to regardless of price?
I’ll have to think about that one.

78. Ever hit a jackpot on a slot machine?
Have won £25 on one once, but that was all.

79. Ever won the lottery?
The odd £10 here and there. My mum did get 5 of the 6 numbers though ;o)

80. What would you do with your lottery winnings?
Family, friends, charity, homes (yes, plural) cars and holidays.

81. Are you a neat freak?
At work - yes. At home – NO! Jeez, what a mess this place is in.

82. Can't stand being around people who_________?
... are so far up their own backsides they have lost touch with reality.

83. Crowds or small groups?
Small groups.

84. How old do you want to live to?
As long as I can.

85. Lose your sight or hearing?
Oh jeez. Erm ..... hearing I think, if I really had to choose.

86. Ever had a crush on a member of the same sex?
Erm ... yes. See answer to No. 4 hahaha

87. Pet peeves?
2 faced-ness (is there such a word?)

88. Most annoying/gross habit?
I don’t have any ... pfffffttt.

89. Sexiest parts of a member of the opposite/same sex?
Eyes and legs.

90. Major turn offs?
Burping, farting and swearing.

91. Tattoos?
Don’t have any atr the moment but I am searching for a fabby design for my back.

93. Piercings?
No. Don’t like piercings.

94. Plastic surgery - would you/have you?
No and no.

95. Computer geek?
Define geek.

96. Trekee?
Deffo not.

97. Play an instrument?
I used to play flute and cello when I was very young but to a very poor standard. My cello was taller than me hahaha.

98. Been in a band?
In a band - no. Have sung on stage in musicals though ;o)

99. Most embarrassing moment?
Realised that my flies were undone at the END of a parents night at school. Oh the shame. I was wearing very nice boxies though lol.

100. Nude beach yes or no?
Yes. How else would I get that all over tan that I lust after? Skinny dipping is very .... erm ... invigorating! lmao

SCATTERGORIES

GIVE IT A TRY.

SCATTERGORIES...it's harder than it looks!

Use the 1st letter of your name to answer each of the following.
They have to be real places, names, things.. nothing made up!

WHAT IS YOUR NAME:
James

BOY NAME:
Jamie

4 LETTER WORD:
jump

GIRL NAME:
Jessica

OCCUPATION:
jazz musician

A COLOUR:
jade

SOMETHING YOU WEAR:
jersey

BEVERAGE:
juice

FOOD:
jambalaya

SOMETHING FOUND IN A BATHROOM:
jacuzzi

A PLACE :
Jamaica

REASON FOR BEING LATE:
jetlag

SOMETHING YOU SHOUT:
juuuuummmmpppp