Friday, 25 May 2007

Scottish .... and proud

Saw this and had to share .....

Being Scottish is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or ,a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.

And the most Scottish thing of all? Suspicion of all things foreign!

Only in Scotland can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in Scotland do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Scotland do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.

Only in Scotland do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

Only in Scotland do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

Only in Scotland do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

Only in Scotland are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.


3 Scots die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

142 Scots were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.

58 Scots are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.

31 Scots have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

19 Scots have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.

Scottish Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after Xmas cracker-pulling accidents.

18 Scots had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Scots were admitted to A&E in the last two years after trying to open bottles of beer with their teeth.

5 Scots were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control Scalextric cars.

and finally...

In 2000 eight Scots were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet.

If you're proud to be a Scot, send this on!

SCOTLAND - Love it, or Leave it!

Thursday, 24 May 2007

Big Brother 8

Wednesday 30th May ... BB8 day!!

I am a bit of a Big Brother fan and look forward to this time of year. Every time a new series starts I am sure that I am not going to like the contestants but every year I get hooked and spend hours watching the shenanigans of the cooped up housemates.

I was glad to hear that the gorgeous Davina McCall will be hosting the series once again ....

I am going to miss Big Brother's Big Mouth and the hillariously camp and quick witted Russell Brand. Not sure that Chris moyles is gonna 'cut the mustard'!!!

So here goes another summer hooked on B.B. Not sure who or what the housemates are going to be this year .... but hey .. as long as their aint another moaner like Nikky from BB 7 ... that would destroy all faith I have in Channel 4 and the producers of B.B.

Sunday, 20 May 2007

I give in ....

okay, okay ..... jut one wee piccy of me ... that's all you're getting ...

lil ol' me between me mum and me auntie at my wee bro's wedding - happy days :o) I was absolutely plastered by this point after having a couple of bottles of champagne with my brother before leaving his flat for the church, a hip flash of vodka at the church, a good few vodkas at the meal with my mix of red and white wine hahaha .... not that I am addicted to alcohol!!! pmsl

Near death experience

well fellow bloggers,

I was almost looking down on you and blogging with the angels above after a near brush with death on Thursday evening.

Thursday had been a good day, the kids had organised a dress as you please day at the school and we were all relaxed and enjoying the day. I had a bit of work to do after 3pm and left for home at about 5.45pm.

As I was travelling south down the M90 I was about to overtake a 4x4 when the basta*d steered his great hulk of a motor towards me in the outside fast lane! Well I was heading towards the central reservation barrier and certain squashed'ness at 70mph had I not slammed on my breaks!!!!! The fu*@ing idiot kept driving as if nothing had happened.

I did eventually get passed the maniac and watched him swerve all over the motorway and hard shoulder from my rear view mirror when suddenly, he crossed 2 lanes of motorway, the hard shoulder, through a fence, into the woods, pieces of tree flying everywhere ... and disappeared!

I did my civic duty and pulled over to the next emergency phone and called 999 - I started to worry about the chappy just incase he was really ill at the wheel of his truck.

40 minutes later the boys in blue caught up with me for a statement after finding and rescuing Mr 4x4. Statement taken and me a little shaken I drove home and arrived after 7.30pm. My biggest fear was that someone saw me getting out of the police Range Rover with all its blue and red lights flashing and thought I was in trouble! I wanted a sign to say that I was a witness ha ha ha

All sympathy for Mr 4x4 went out of the bloody window when I found out he'd been drunk driving - tha basta*d nearly killed himself and ME!!!!! I bet he has the fu*@ing cheek to plead NOT GUILTY to drunk driving and dangerous driving and I end up in court as a witness.

My verdict is to ban the fu*kwit from driving for life - and any other drink drivers!

.... yes another one!!

I have decided that it was about time that I was back blogging away - it has been a while! To get me started I will post this email that I recieved from a buddy and let you all know just a wee bit more about me .......

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? My dad, his dad and his dad's dad

>2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? couple of weeks ago .. some bad news

>3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Yes! My handwriting has to be lovely :o)

>4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE LUNCH MEAT? erm .... don't really eat meat at lunch .. prefer goats cheese and roasted veg at the mo lol

>5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? personally .. none !!

>6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Of course .. what's not to like ha ha ha

>7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? moi? never!

>8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? I certainly do ... all bits intact

>9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? deffo! I love the rush of extreme sports

>10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE CEREAL? I don't do cereal ... no wait .... I don't do breakfast - it interferes with sleep


>12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? mentally ... yes .. physically ... nah :o)

>13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE ICE CREAM? plain old vanilla for me ... although I prefer a Mr Whippy

>14. WHAT'S THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Smile and eyes ... and sexy specs if they have them lol

>15. RED OR PINK? Red

>16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVOURITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? pale, untoned bod .... why do I waste money on gym memberships?

>17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? Miss chats with my bestest pal Cazza now that she's living it up abroad. Think a lot about my Grandad too

>18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? They had bloody better!

>19. WHAT COLOUR TROUSERS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Black pinstriped trousers and black shoes

>20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? A gorgeous Italian meal

>21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? erm ... keys tapping on a keyboard


>23. FAVOURITE SMELLS? Fresh cut grass -= but it plays havoc with my hayfever! and my aftershave hahaha .. Chanel Alure Sport :o)

>24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My good friend Louise who I met for a meal this evening



>29. EYE COLOUR? Blue

>30. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Nope ... can't stand things going near my eyes

>31. FAVOURITE FOOD? Italian


>33. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Blades of Glory

>35. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer for the sun and the sand and the beach and winter for skiing in the snow

>36. HUGS OR KISSES? Hugs ..... hmmmmm .. and kisses :o) hahaha

>37. FAVOURITE DESSERT? Boozy trifle

>38. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? All of them bloody better!

>39. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? No one if they know what's good for them

>40. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING? Biography of Derek Acorah

>41. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSEMAT? Don't have one here


>43. FAVOURITE SOUND? Porche 911 engine

>44. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Don't really like either ... soz


>47. WHO'S ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK? Everyones ... I am a nosey git :o)

Saturday, 5 May 2007


The paint was bought, rollers and brushes at the ready, dust-sheets on the floor .... and I couldn't be bothered going any further!

I had been thinking about re-decorating the lounge in my flat for a wee while now and last week decided that if I didn't make a start I wasn't going to actually decorate at all and the decorating items mentioned would all end up on the tardis that is my understair cupboard!

I opened the paint and started splashing it on the wall, got distracted and sat down in front of the TV - I didn't actually make it back to the painting and left it at that. Why the bloody hell did I start it?????? I aint the type of guy who likes decorating, I don't have the patience for it.

One week on and my flat looks like a bomb has hit it. I have boxes in the hallway, the kitchen is a right state, all the furniture is in the middle of the lounge floor, the upstairs is a tip with boxes and bags covering the spare-room and my study floor and my bedroom ... there aint a tidy sopt in the whole house.

I have a long weekend because of a school holiday on Monday and instead of relaxing ... I am in painting clothes and YES ... you've guessed it .... I am stalling by typing this blog entry ... I just can't be bothered!! HELP!!!!!!!

It's a moments like this that I would welcome Claire Sweeney and the 60 minute Make-Over team to come swirling through the front door and make this mess a palace :o) ... Fat effin chance of that happening!

Right ... better get the bloody work done and no doubt I will be back soon enough when I am bored again :o)

He's out!!

After 10 weeks in hospital with complication after complication he is at last free and recovering at home.

My dad has been stuck in hospital for 10 weeks now after being admitted with a perforated bowel and requiring emergency surgery not once but twice. He got the good news from his surgeon that he could go home to recover before being readmitted in 3 months time for the final operation to rejoin the bowel.

He has had a rough ride of things - his GP had originally given him painkillers - huh - having the initial surgery and the tense wait to see if cancer was the culprit (thankfully not), having to go to theatre again as the first op hadn't worked properly, spending a tense few days in intensive care on a ventillator as his heart rate was 174 and he couldn't breathe, catching some sort of infection that meant he was sent to high dependency and finally catching MRSA and being put in isolation! PHEW!!

I can't praise the surgeons, consultants, doctors and nurses enough! They have made him as comfortable as possible and looked after him ; guiding him through all the worries and upset and they looked after my mum so well too. A massive thanks from me. I need to thanks in particular the staff of Ward 1 in Perth Royal Infirmary, the staff of the High Dependency Unit and the Intensive Care Staff ... I send huge hugs and kisses :o)