Merry Christmas

Tis the season to be jolly ......



We have the best Christmas present ever .... dad (aka McTavish) is out of hospital and back home :o) All the family are meeting at my folks house for Christmas day which should be a great, if emotional occasion.

I will return after the Christmas period ... back to normal, I hope, to blog away the hours. I haven't been around much and apologise, but I didn't really have a great amount of time.

I'll tell you all about the staff night out where some poor slapper from another establishment had saved up all her pennies to buy a Christmas dress but had spent so much she obviously couldn't afford any knickers LOL and fell flat on her arse on the dancefloor to show everyone!!!!! LMFAO ... and the member of my staff who went outside for a cigarette and missed the raffle draw and her prize of 6 bottles of Moet ... shame ... maybe she'll have given up by next year PMSL

All that is left for tonight is to wish you all a fantastic Christmas and fabby New Year.

LOADS and loads of love, hugs and kisses .... Scotz XXXXXXXXXX

12 Days of Christmas

That time is nearly upon us again (an not a present bought yet!!) I was listening to Sarah Kennedy on BBC Radio 2 last week when she played this .....



I was in stitches and had to share it with you :o)

McTavish Update - He is now back in hospital in Perth - I will not be missing the journeys to Dundee! He is much better and actually smiling and joking again. Hopefully be out by Christmas :o)

Kylie and George

.... NO ... not another weird celebrity couple lol!!! Came across this and had such a laugh .....

The Drunk Test

The police in this great country of ours have been issued with a test to help them decide if someone is drunk or not! What next? Is it really that hard to spot a jakey?

Here are some of the indicators:

Noticeable change in behaviour: bad tempered, aggressive, offensive language, becoming loud, boisterous or disorderly, becoming physically violent, becoming incoherent, slurring or making mistakes in speech, becoming argumentative.

Lack of judgment: being careless with money, annoying other persons, inappropriate sexual behaviour, drinking quickly or competitively.

Clumsiness and loss of coordination: swaying, staggering, difficulty with walking, falling down, bumping into furniture, spilling drinks, difficulty in picking up change and fumbling for cigarettes or other items.

Decreased alertness: drowsiness, dozing or sleeping, rambling conversation, loss of train of thought, difficulty in paying attention, not understanding what is said, glassy eyes, lack of focus. Appearance - unkempt, dishevelled.

I am stone cold sober at this very moment in time but I could probably hit a few of these pointers LMFAO!!

I think these guys have the right idea .......



He was DEFFO pished as a fart!!! LOL

PANTO

It's that time of year again when the theatres are crammed full of families and kids watching stars of the TV and stage making absolute tw*ts of themselves ... yes ..... it's Panto season!!!

I am off to the King's Theatre in Glasgow on Wednesday with my godson (pmsl - I am the Godfather hahaha) to see their panto - Sleeping Beauty. I am looking forward to this as one of my all time favorite female comediennes, Karen Dunbar, has the role of Nanny BeGood.

I will meet up with my sister and her b/f, my aunt, youngest brother and godson for the raising of the curtain on Wednesday night. A few friends are also travelling through. I am NOT a fan of panto usually, but this has become a sad tradition of the last few years that we all meet up for some laughs.

The stalwart, Gerard Kelly, is also starring but sadly Elaine C Smith (Mary Doll) will not be on stage :o(

Here's hoping for a good laugh and some of the great Karen Dunbar wit ;o)

McTavish Update -
Dad is doing really well at the moment - I'm very cautious to say too much just in case he is jinxed yet again lol. He's hoping to be transferred back to the Perth hospital which will save us all a great deal of travelling every day I can tell you. The liver has started and he's off all machines and looking pretty good too! Fingers crossed that he may be out and home by Christmas :o)

Ghost Hunting

As you may know from earlier blog posts, I love ghosts and the thought of the spirit world being all around us. I am also a bit of a family history geek and love researching the past from a family perspective, not learning loads of dates and facts that history classes were famous for.

I had the perfect opportunity to explore both on Friday. A student we have on placement at the school spoke to me at lunch in the staffroom on Friday asking if we had historic records for pupils going back many years. We are an old Victorian school which opened its doors to the city in 1892 and are lucky to have all the original school documents, log books and registers going back to the opening day. Amazingly, over 560 boys registered for the school on it's opening day in 1892.

Anyways, back to the story .... She (the student) had been to visit a medium with her mum the night before and had been gobsmacked at the information that the medium had shared. A great deal of it was personal information that very few knew about and this made her a little freaked out! The medium then interrupted to say that a young boy was trying to pass a message and then started to give loads of details about my school and it's past etc etc.

This young lad was called Daniel whose surname started with a W, and he apparently loved school and loved being in our school when he was a pupil. He hated the huge, heavy wooden doors but was really happy there and remains in the school to this day. He apparently died at the age of 12. He follows the student around the school at the moment, looking after her, and was telling the medium about incidents that had happened during her placement.

She was a little worried about this now because the medium had come up with this boys name which made things a little too real for her.

I jumped at the chance to investigate and after school on Friday we started to look through the original registration documents for all the children. We came across one pupil called Daniel whose surname started with a W. He was born on the 19th of June 1894.

Then came my family history enthusiasm! I have been searching the online documents and census information to find the boy and have currently drawn a blank!!! I am so disappointed and if truth be known, a little jealous of the student. I know that sounds a bit weird, but I love the thought of the spirit world and would love to think that a child from the schools past, who loved school, was looking after me when I was in the building.

I have many more school records to trawl through on the hunt for Daniel as this register only goes as far as 1912. I'll let you know if I find him :o)

Was needing a laugh

I was needing a laugh and logged into YouTube. I came up with these funny commercials:



She has a wicked sense of humour just like myself lol



These guys are just helping each other out in a difficult situation. Who says men can't multi-task!! pmsl



filthy minded buggers is all I will say on the matter !!!!!

PS - "McTavish" update - he is out of intensive care and HDU and is now on a ward. Things aint brilliant but his kidneys have started functioning again. Worried about liver function at the moment but he's getting there ;o) Thanks for all messages and emails xxxxxxxxxxxx

Awful week and worse weekend!

After making such a great recovery from major surgery, and with things looking all rosey and bright, things started to take a turn for the worse!

Dad was doing so well and looking so well in HDU that the decision was made to take him to his side room on the ward to recover. Big mistake!!! Things started to go downhill and he was in great amounts of pain and discomfort. He worked through it and 2 days later was feeling better. I got a phone call the next day to tell me that he was back in HDU and things were looking bad. I didn't realise just how bad that actually was until Friday.

A txt came through on my mobile to tell me that Dad had been transferred from Perth HDU to Dundee Intensive Care Unit by ambulance, with emergency doctor with all lights and sirens blaring! Things were not right at all and he may need yet more surgery.

I was with Mum when we got a call about an hour later to say that he was in Intensive Care and was settling comfortably. I went to visit friends and about 30 minutes later, Mum phoned; the surgeon had called to say Dad had deteriorated drastically and could not wait any longer, he would have to operate immediately. We were assured that it was pointless making our way to Dundee again as he would be in theatre and be sedated until the morning.

Mum and my sister went to see him first thing yesterday and were pulled aside by the doctor when they arrived. He had had his gall bladder drained but because it had been so enlarged it had been pressing everything upwards inside Dad and his kidneys were not working. Huge amounts of toxins were in his bloodstream and the MRSA was highly active. It was at this point he told Mum and wee Sis that he might not survive and to expect the worse!

Mum called me and I called round the family and friends to let them know the situation. Tears streaming down my face and voice cracking .... it was tough ... and I wanted to be there for Mum so couldn't show how upset I actually was at the news. My brother is out in the Maldives at the moment but we decided he had to know and she called him.

I went in with Mum and Aunt today. I never thought I would say this but THANK GOD Dad is a stubborn git!!!!! LOL He had a really good night in Intensive Care and whilst we were there today he came off the ventillator and had the breathing tubes removed. He was just about to have 4 hours of dialysis to purify his blood as the kidneys are not working. This will continue as long as the kidneys take to work again, if they start again at all.

He is still in a critical condition and things have a VERY long way to get back to where they were only last week, but I was so relieved after seeing and speaking to him today. There are monitors and screens and wires and tubes everywhere but I know he is in the best place possible for him at the moment.

To cap things off, when I was visiting friends on Friday night (before all the phone calls) another friend arrived unannounced. He had just come from hospital in Glasgow (despite what it seems .... we are not all ill buggers up here LOL) with the news that after bleeding from his eyes and having had numerous tests and scans etc over a week in hospital, he has been told he has a tumour that cannot be operated on and has between 3 and 6 months to live! FFS .. WHAT THE FUCK HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE ALL OF THIS ??????? I just feel that my whole world is crashing around my ears at the moment. Famiy and friends are great and VERY supportive ... thankfully! I think I'd be a greetin' wreck if they weren't.

I apologise for not visiting and posting as much as normal and apologise for not chatting to those I normally spend hours talking to, I have been a little "short" with some folks and ... I just have one or two things on my mind :o) hahahaha ... if I didn't laugh I'd cry :o) xxxxxxxx

Flying the flag ....

I am almost embarrassed to admit .... but what the hell .... I have been watching ...



I tell myself every year that it is a load of tosh but I get hooked each time. Leon Jackson is the Scottish contingent on the show with a really unusual quality to his voice, a little like Paulo Nutini. Here's a wee clip ...



I think the guy has a fantastic voice but Simon Cowell and Louis Walsh have it in for Leon and he has little hope of going much further if he doesn't lose his nerves on stage.

I'll keep rooting for the lad :o)

Now I'll go and hide my face in shame at watching X Factor pmsl .. and blogging on it ffs!!!!!!!

the 'old man'

HUGE hugs and thanks for those asking for my dad and for the emails I have received .. much appreciated!!! XXXXXXXXXX mwah

I got a phone call on Sunday evening from my dad ... there was no real purpose for the call, he was calling my brothers, sister and I before he went into hospital and I later found out from my mum that he was in tears after the calls. He had decided that he was not coming back from the operating theatre alive! Mum, who was holding it together told me this later and I was in tears myself.

He went into theatre on Monday morning at 9.20am and I called the hospital at 4pm to see how he was recovering. I was a bit shocked and worried when they told me that he was STILL in the theatre. He got out at 6pm that night! I had visions of the surgeons opening their "piece box" and having their sandwiches and flasks of coffee in the middle of the operation lmao

The surgeons had said that everything went well but it was much more complicated than they had first thought and dad almost went into renal failure during the operation! FFS ... he doesn't like to do things by half!

I called the High Dependency Unit to get the latest and was greeted with a friendly nurse saying " *Scots* is that you?" [*insert any name you wish hahaha] It was a friend of mine from school who is looking after him :o) pmsl He couldn't be in better hands.

I went in this evening to see him after finishing work and had a right good blether. He was getting pretty emotional again when he was telling me that he thought he wasn't going to make it. This was a bit of a shocker for me as my dad has NEVER been the emotional type at all.

He is looking fantastic - if that is possible attached to lots of machines hahaha ... but the surgeons are really pleased and he is moving to his wee pvt room (the lucky bugger) probably tomorrow. He still has a long way to go but everything has been corrected and is all in working order again!

My mum has gotten so used to driving his car that he has decided that it would be too much hassle to get it back so he's going to have to buy another for himself hahahahahaha .... good on my mum!

She took great delight in calling his district nurses (who have been absolutely feckin amazing) to tell them that they can collect the 3 boxes of medical supplies from the house as he won't be needing them lol It will be strange not seeing them around as they have been visiting almost daily for the past few months :o)

I must confess that it was a HUGE relief to get the good news and to see how well he actually looks. It may sound a bit weird, but seeing him today, he looked more healthy than he has done for months - even though he is attached to so many machines etc at the moment.

Thanks again for the concern, messages and emails ... love you all loads XXXXXXXXX

Scottish

I was reading the great Scottish dictionary over at His Girl Fridays place and remembered about this corker ..



translations available :o)

Charity ...

... begins at home in my humble opinion!

The season of the charity collectors is upon us and everywhere I seem to go, the jingle of charity collection tins is ringing in the air. This annoys the hell out of me!!! I really don't know exactly why it irks me so much, but it does!

I don't mind the calls of "Big Issue, Sir?" as I walk down the street. I usually buy a copy and then tell the rest "no thanks, mate" in a polite way which seems to go down ok with the folks selling the magazine. But, tin shakers .... the glare and scowl from them as you walk past, jeez ... if looks could kill there would be a messy bloodbath outside M&S. Nuns! Nuns with collecting tins ... watch out ... not just a glare when you don't put your money in the tin, but I am sure they are having a word with the good Lord upstairs and placing a curse on you as well.

Now, I am not a scrooge and I do support a few charities. I actively support NCH Scotland, a fabulous charity raising money for kids. I support them so much that I was prepared to jump out of a perfectly good aeroplane (well, that is debatable) 2 miles up into the sky and skydive to raise money for them a couple of years ago and actively fundraise still.

What a day to remember that was! Up very early to drive to the airfield, do the safety stuff, get kitted out and wait for the weather to clear to get jumping. 2 jumpers were called and I was one of them. We went off to the hangar to have our final checks and then into the plane. Jeezo! The plane with no door and no seats!!!!!



It took 20 minutes to get to the right altitude to jump and everything was looking beautiful until the instructor of my fellow jumper told her to get into the doorway and prepare to jump. I watched as Gillian fell into the clouds below and knew it was my turn next.

I got into the doorway and waited for my instructor to push out of the door. We were off! OH MY GOD - the rush of adrenalin was amazing! We were falling to the ground, through the clouds at over 175mph. The noise was deafening. After falling for 10 000 feet it was time to pull the ripcord and hope to hell that the canopy would open! The fact that I am typing this lets you know that it did open :o)



The noise disappeared and everything was silent. I was able to look at the patchwork of fields below being crossed by roads and I was able to see the Ochil Hills that I see from my flat everyday, from above!

It took about 15 minutes to parachute the second 10 000ft and sadly it was all over. I was desperate to get right back on the plane and get up there to do it all again.



SO ... when I have people rattling charity collection tins in my face and asking for money I get very tempted to ask them if they would do what I have done to raise money and not judge me just because I didn't put a few coins in their tin. I did raise a huge amount for charity with the huge help of my friends and family .. although I do sometimes wonder if some gave so generously on the off-chance that I may have been splattered across the rural Perthshire countryside :o) LOL


Haven't been around for a bit and haven't been visiting as often as I should have ... apologies! Things ain't quite all rosey here at the moment but I'll be back as often as I can :o) Dad going into hospital for major surgery (again) tomorrow so I may be away for a bit xxx

Road Trip 2

Firstly, apologies for a wee break from blogland ... a recharge of batteries and time-out was needed!

On Sunday 3 friends and I got together for lunch and decided to go to a great pub for something to eat in nearby Stirling. If you haven't ever been to the 'Portcullis' I can strongly reccommend a wee visit ... just be warned ... don't eat anything for 24 hours beforehand as the chef doesn't believe in small portions! The Portcullis is right ot the foot of Stirling Castle esplanade ...



After lunch, a laugh and a glass of something fruity we were off again on a magical mystery tour. I said I wanted a beach (why when it was freezing and blowing a force 10 gale I have no idea) but, I usually get what I want :o) hahahaha .. so off we set.

The next known landmark I saw was a place in Glasgow called Milngavie - pronounced "malguy" and then into Taggart territory ("...there's been a murder!" - lmfao .. some of you may have to google good old Taggart!) and then round and about Glasgow. I reminded 'T' the driver, that I wanted a beach, so we headed for Ayr ... the roundabout route hahaha

On the way down the road 'K' and I remembered a place called Nardinis in Largs, so it was off to Largs for a lovely Italian coffee and a famous Nardinis ice-cream. 'T' told me that I had arrived at my "beach" ... LMFAO ... pebbles ffs ... pebbles does not constitute a beach FFS!!!

We then headed through Ardrossan, Saltcoats (or the other way around - I can never remember) Troon, Ayr, Turnberry, Newton Stewart, Castle Douglas (stopped for a late dinner) Dumfries, Lockerbie and then back to Stirling and then home!!



Over 10 hours later and I arrived back to the comfort of my wee abode. We did have a cheeky layby "relief" stop .. god I ain't usually a layby-stop-point-pee type of chappy .. but needs must! hahaha The 2 female friends were very jealous of the two males in the car .. was a bit more of an ordeal for them PMSL!!

Until the next time ........

PS .. there were lots of piccys for this trip but my pc is playing up and doesn't like them! :o(

never assume!

Saw this on ye olde bebo site and had to share it ...



I know this is a lazy post ... but hey ... I am kinda busy :o)

No-one likes a smart-arse!

.... but these are bloody funny ...

SMART ALEC ANSWER 6
It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane: 'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row. 'What are my choices?' the man asked. 'Yes or no,' she replied.


SMART ALEC ANSWER 5
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without blinking an eyelid she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub.'


SMART ALEC ANSWER 4
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a branch of Sainsbury's store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a passing assistant, 'Do these turkeys get any bigger?' The assistant replied, 'I'm afraid not, they're dead.'


SMART ALEC ANSWER 3
The policeman got out of his car and the boy racer he stopped for speeding, rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the bobby said. The kid replied, 'Yes, well I got here as fast as I could.' When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

SMART ALEC ANSWER 2
A lorry driver was driving along on a country road. A sign came up that read ' Low Bridge Ahead.' Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck
under it.. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The policeman got out of his car and walked to the lorry's cab and said to the driver, 'Got stuck, eh?' The lorry driver said, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of petrol!'


SMART ALEC ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2007
A teacher at a polytechnic college reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!' A smart-arsed chappie at the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?' The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I suppose you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'

Thank you to David for emailing this ... fitted my sense of humour perfectly!

The Family

My Grandad passed away in 2004 and shortly afterwards I began to get really interested in my family tree. The whole mystery of where we all come from and what sort of life our family led in the past fascinates me.

I have spent a great deal of time here researching my familys past. The actual records building is amazing!! On my first trip I was in the atrium, looking up at floors and floors of records, archived for the likes of me to search through located in a large, round, glass-domed room.

I hadn't really got much of a clue as to what I was doing so I started with ME! It is very interesting to see the amount of information that you can dig up about yourself from birth, marriage and death certificates and all of the previous census documents.

The initial information wasn't great! All of the family records showed that family members tended to die young. Jeezo!! That is until I came across my Great, Great Grandad who was almost 100 when he died.

It got me to wondering ..... was there money in the family? hahahaha Well, money is important! ... especially when you don't have it :o)

Well I was to be disappointed in one hand and proud in the other. No money, well, not any left over the years anyways. My folks on my fathers side were all hardworking land people. Crofters, farmers, forestry workers, stone masons etc etc. The family on my mums side had much of the same really. No money but they were all grafters - who didn't believe in small families!!!!! (13 children one of them had!!)

One disturbing fact reared its head. Why was my dads family surname on my mums family side? I know I have always thought I was Royalty in a previous life; was this the first sign ... inbreeding amongst the family 3 generations ago? hahahahaha

Thankfully in my searches I have found no link to the two families!

So far I have managed to go back to the 1700's on both my dad's side and mum's side of the family but need to go one more generation to see if the story about fighting with Bonnie Prince Charlie and being gifted land is true. I have written documentation that the Clan that my family were part of did fight with him, but I need to see if any of my actual ancestors did. That is my next quest!

I love genealogy so much that friends have asked me to do some research on their behalf. It did cause a wee bit of friction and embarrassement when I had to explain that their father WAS NOT who they thought it was and that their mother had actually been playing away :o) oops ... I had a lot of soal searching before I approached that subject! Luckily for me they did have a little clue that this was the case. I managed to track down the real father to the Canadian Airforce where he is/was an officer.

Today

I have been a complete lazy git today! Here is a breakdown of my day .....

12.30pm (ish) got up out of bed :o)
had a shower and got dressed after slobbing about in a pair of boxys watching some tv
2pm had lunch
txt some friends
posted on some blogs
had 3 calls from other friends (same friend twice - dozy git)
joined Facebook (lol)
Researched my family Coat of Arms - very nice it is too :o)
filled the dishwasher
downloaded some music from itunes
just heading out to collect my dinner from the take-away


to come .....

chat on msn
post messages on blogs

go to bed

What a great slobby day :o)

A GORGEOUS autumn day ...

Today, the first day of my October holidays from work, has been gorgeous! The sun has been shining and I was able to get out into town and have a wander around Stirling in a t-shirt :o)

Last week I was freezing in temperatures as low as 2 degrees C ... today my wee village was basking in the Autumnal temp of 19 degrees C.

As I sit typing this at my study window, the sun is shining down on the hills, bright copper and russet autumn colours and the birds flying around. I was a bit down yesterday (reason unknown) but this has cheered me up 100% ... here's a wee piccy ...

Condoms

stolen from someone ... laughed like feck .. so thought I'd share

Imagine if major brands produced condoms and kept their slogan....

Sainsbury condoms - making life taste better
Tesco Condoms - every little helps
Nike Condoms - Just do it
Peugeot Condoms - The ride of your life
KFC Condoms - Finger Licking good
Minstrels Condoms - melt in your mouth, not in your hand
Safeway Condoms - Lightening the load
Coca Cola Condoms - The real thing
Ever Ready Condoms - keep going and going
Pringles Condoms - once you pop, you can't stop
Burger King Condoms - Home of the Whopper
Good year Condoms - "for a longer ride, go wide"
Muller light condoms - so much pleasure, but where's the pain?
Flash Condoms - Just sit back, relax and let flash do all the hard work
Halfords Condoms - we go the extra mile
Royal Mail Condoms - I saw this and thought of you
Andrex Condoms - Soft, strong and very very long
Renault Condoms - size really does matter!
Domestos Condoms - gets right in the rim
Heineken Condoms -reaches parts that other condoms just cannot reach
Carlsberg Condoms - probably the best condom in the world
Pepperami Condoms - its a bit of an animal
Polo Condoms - the condom with the hole!! (VERY poor seller !!)
McDonalds Condoms - I'm Lovin' It

Days gone by ....

I was having a wee moment to myself (ooer missus) and got thinking to the olde sweeties that I used to love.

I remember taking my karate grading with another lad from the club when I must have been about 10 yrs old. I was kicking and punching away whenever they shouted a command and he was disqualified for chewing on one of these ......


I loved the thick chewy toffee/caramel stuff .... a great one for pulling out your teeth hahaha.... just not for eating during a grading exam pmsl ... poor chap :o)

Spangles were one of my favourites too until a fateful day ... when I returned from karate training (god ... there must be a link between karate and sweeties) .. and I was sucking on a spangle, when I choked and half swallowed one of the boiled sweets. I couldn't breathe, my dad lifted me upside-down and was slapping my back and my poor mum was frantic .... out popped the little b*gger and I didn't eat another one of these for a long time ... shame really, cause I really liked them!

These to were always in my "mix-up" bag from the sweetie shop ...



Good old flying saucers - kind of rice paper shapes filled with really sour sherbet ... and ....



strawberry mojo's! ... Great wee strawberry flavoured chews. There were many flavours but, strawberry were the best!

Can't forget these wee beauties .... always made your tongue black too .... infact ... the wee sweet shop used to be called "The Black Jack" if my memory serves me correctly lol



The Cabana bar was the top of the list - the dogs b*llocks! It was a chocolate bar filled with coconut and cherries with a thin layer of caramel under the chocolate coating. I had died and gone to heaven when I found these - well ... a little dramatic there, but you get my drift!

As a wee treat ...

The Caramac was a bit too sickly for me .... and god knows I have a sweet tooth! This one was only as a rare treat ... too many and you felt really sick! hahahaha

I loved eating sweeties and chocolates and you'd think I would be a 10 tonne lard-ass ... but NO ... thankfully I was blessed with a high metabolism and can basically eat what the feck I want with little consequence! Phew ... cause I couldn't give up my crisps, biscuits and Magnum ice-cream bars :o) pmsl

OOOOhhh ... just thought of another wee treat ...

Sherbet dip dabs .... I used to eat the lollipop and dip in my fingers :o) hahaha



Any other favourites?????

Which Superhero are you?

Saw this and decided that with my superhero talents (yes .... some are hidden lol), I would see who I am most 'like' pmsl

Your results:
You are Superman

Superman 75% Spider-Man 70% The Flash 65% Robin 55% Catwoman 55% Supergirl 45% Green Lantern 45% Hulk 40% Batman 35% Wonder Woman 35% Iron Man 35%

You are mild-mannered, good, strong and you love to help others.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz



I am a little concerned that I am 35% like Wonder Woman pmsl

Blogger Awards

I am going to bestow this Blogger Award to the wonderful and gorgeous Marmy and Ciara. They both deserve a wee recognition from li'l old me for keeping me entertained and for their fabulous posts on the blog (that was blog, not bog!)

Here's to you both!




Many thanks to Peter Ford for the award ... well, you didn't think I could make this on my own did ya? pmsl

no hotel and no expenses = bloody cheek!

I am off on my yearly crusade to 'the big smoke' - GLASGOW - on Wednesday of this week to the annual SETT exhibition and conference at the SECC. (boring teacher thing hahaha)

I have been going for the last goodness knows how many years and have usually been put up in a nice hotel in the city, had expenses paid and had a lovely evening meal (and drinks) at the Moat House. This year however, no such luxuries!!

I have booked myself into a few seminars and am expected to attend one which STARTS at 6.00pm!!! Well, with no slap up meal and drinks and with no hotel to rest my weary head, I think I may have to miss that seminar and be heading into town or heading home along the motorway.

Previous years have found myself and colleagues thoroughly enjoying the luxuries of being a "Masterclass" member and of being a "GLOW Mentor" - and rolling out of the Moat House at midnight, being taxi driven back to the hotel and then indulging in a few more liquid refreshments. Luckily I don't do breakfasts as I was never presentable at that ungodly hour!

So, Wednesday of this week I shall be fighting my way through the Glasgow traffic and heading for the Armadillo and after a good few hours of listening, walking and purchasing within the walls of the SECC, I may just be tempted into town before heading back throught the nose-to-tail traffic.

Why do I do it every year?

Cartoon of the Week .....

I am going to post a wee funny each week .... this one made me laugh ....



and as it's the first of the Cartoon of the Week, here's another ..

a handful of my ripe juicy plums...

Well, after the slagging of my innocent previous title, I thought this would make a good follow-up! ... for you luck readers, I may even post a piccy of my ripe, juicy plums at the end of this post .......

As I have been neglecting the blog, I thought I would give a wee update ...

I have had a sh*tty couple of weeks. I have allowed myself to get bogged down in internal politics and more often then not, I am the one left to take the flak from the fall outs. This, coupled with the fact that I have a couple of issues that I don't want to deal with and my dad waiting for surgery ... well, forgive me as I am on a bit of a slippery slide downwards at the moment.

I have 2 weeks of holidays to look forward to in 3 weeks time and I think I will start to look for a wee getaway to sunnier climates to recharge the batteries. I have no idea where I want to go or what I want to be doing when I get there. Perhaps a beach holiday to relax rather than a more active holiday - who knows? My wee bro and his wife are off to Sicily next weekend ... that sounds pretty good to me!!

I went to my folks place on Friday after work and was having a catch-up chat with my dad. He had been to see his surgeon on Friday afternoon and has been told that he is scheduled for his long awaited operation in November. It is going to be a huge operation with 3 surgeons working on him. He has the aneurysm by his heart, the tear in his bowel, the stoma reversal and the large open wound to clear and close .... phew!

Anyway ... my plums!!! as it was a gorgeous day I went into the garden with him for a seat in the sun and to wait for my mum to get in from her work. As I was looking round the garden I noticed how laden the plum tree was with fruit - what a bloody cheek - he had been keeping that a secret. I love plums, cherries and grapes, all of which he grows in the garden. The grapes were not good this year, the cherries were eaten by the birds before I could get to them but the plums ... well ..... loads of the ripe juicy beggars ... just waiting for me to come along and pick them!

I came away having more than a good handful of juicy plums, most of which I have now scoffed and the remainder sitting in the fruit bowl, looking very inviting :o) lol

Here's a wee piccy of my plums ...



for those who are disappointed and were expecting something else - shame on you!!! Get your filthy mind out of the gutter!!! lmao ... If you want to see my other ripe and juicy plums ... let me know ;o) ha ha ha

Well ..... blow me!

I got an award!!!

The gorgeous Ciara has seen fit to bestow this award on l'il old me xxxxxxxxxx

Harley-Davidson

My little bro and his wife have both just passed their motorbike licences and have just taken delivery of a new Harley-Davidson to add to their collection of motor vehicles.

A few years ago his wife bought him a Vespa scooter for his 25th birthday. Now that he is 30 he's obviously outgrown the scooter (although why you need it when you have a 4x4 and a Porsche I don't know) and they have bought this motorbike.

Now, me and my ignorance!!! I though all Harleys were the type you see with the Hells Angels on sitting in the "legs out front" position. How stupid was I. I have looked up the bike and here it is ... the Harley Davidson Sportster Low 883



I am not a bike person so it means little to me! It is a gorgeous bike don't get me wrong, but I prefer the comfort of my car with the soft seats, music system, aircon, heaters etc etc and getting togged up in leathers to sweat my nuts off or driving in the pissing rain getting soaked, or driving and getting flies in my gob just aint my idea of fun!

Aristocratic Title

I know I said I was easing myself back in ... and here's the second post of the night .... but the gorgeous Ciara had this and I wanted one too hahahaha

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is: The Right Reverend Scots the Haunted of Helions Bumpstead Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

I seem to be a man of the cloth? lol

back from the abyss :o)

Hi folks ... sorry I aint been around in blogging world for a bit. I have a lot on my mind at them moment and this is just the end of the 2nd week back at work after my lovely (but rather wet) six weeks summer holidays.

I am gonna ease myself back into things lol and steal ... erm .. borrow this from newplanet ... the "I look like" meme ... here goes -

James looks like a walking suitcase ... eh???
James looks like he wants to do me. I'm not gay but James is so cool I might consider the offer anyway. pmsl ..
James looks like a muppet
James looks like he could be James Blunt's long lost brother
James looks like a man!! A really hot man!! I agree Graham btw ... this is all true ... well nearly all :o) Not sure about #2
James looks like a man of action!
James looks like he's made of light grey plastic
James looks like someone I know
James looks like a creepy librarian ... lmao
James looks like Chad Michael Murray
James looks like he might be wearing a tracksuit .. hahahahaha
James looks like a young Russell Crowe
James looks like a film out of the 1980's
James looks like rich and promising material
James looks like he's about to cry
James looks like a dork. Well, he looks pretty damn hot for a guy in a pink ruffled shirt I suppose
James looks like Quasimodo ... cheeky bast*rds
James looks like the king of rock and roll
James looks like Vin Diesel .... pmsl
James looks like a nerd... I would kick him in the shin and take his pumpkin pastie
James looks like a Weasley with his face as freckly as the clan
James looks like a college Prof.
James looks like he's been wearing those bleachy trays on his teeth
James looks like a sensible choice for the party
James looks like Gerrard! ... film stars, musicians and now a footballer ... heehee
James looks like an old pro ....hahahah pmsl

Think I'll leave it there lol

Well, well, well ... this sure made my mood lighten and cheered me up LOADS ... Chad Michael Murray, Russell Crowe, Vin Diesel, Gerrard, James Blunts brother ????? hahahaha

I'd kick the bu**er back who was gonna be nicking my pumpkin pastie though!!

Scary Mary

I was posting away on a teachers site on a thread about youtube and memories. One of the other forum members posted this beauty ......



If only I had known about this all those years ago when I worked in a hotel entertaining and looking after kids - I hated Mary Poppins by the time I was finished there and went to uni - this would have saved me many hours watching the same movie over and over and over again!

I now see Mary Poppins as a bit of a dark, evil, nasty instead of the usual warm, fuzzy, loveable!

Women know your limits!

I can't believe I am actually going to post this ..... I can see the backlash already! LMFAO

This is a couple of wee funnies that I found whilst trawling through youtube. Harry Enfield was never something that caught my eye when I was younger but looking at the sketches now brings a smile to my face!

Ladies ...... please take this with the humour in which it was posted LOL




Women drivers eh!?!

I love my job!!!

I love my job! Jeez - how often do you hear that eh? lol

Teaching has to be one of the most rewarding careers around! I have been teaching primary school kids (aged 5 - 12) for the past 11 years in some fantastic schools. Some of the schools have been in very challenging and deprived areas but this has made the job even better.

I have had my fair share of kids swearing at me, throwing chairs and desks at me, sticking up the fingers, threatening parents (one with an German Shepherd dog at my classroom door) and a whole host of nasties ...... but the good always outweigh the bad. Sure I have thought about jacking the whole lot in - but then all it takes is one single kid to say something to you as they pass in the corridor and I have forgotten all the crap and I'm all singing and dancing again!

I think I was a good class teacher, the parents and kids certainly thought so and as I was promoted I guess my bosses though so too. I went from the newest member of staff in the school to the 2nd in charge! I feel my head growing already!! ha ha ha

Now, after a move to a new school, new local authority and a new promotion I don't get into the classrooms often enough to teach much :o( I have to spend too much time in my office dealing with paperwork, the authority, admin issues, budgets etc etc etc The good thing about this though (every cloud has a silver lining) I get to work with some of the most angry kids [that was NOT a typo] who can't stay in a class too long before causing a whole heap of trouble and disruption. These are the kids who need that extra time to build a trust before they can achieve their full potential - that's where I come in.

Some of the "playground hard lads" who end up at my office because they have been fighting, or been disruptive etc etc have a tale to tell and some are desperate for an adult to just listen to them and not to judge them. Some of these kids have gone through more in their 12 years of life than I have in my 33. I take the time to chat, offer the olive branch, give them a chance to get out of the corner they've backed themselves into, be honest and build up a mutual respect and trust.

I had spent a great deal of last year working with one lad who has deep issues that he eventually opened up to me about. That particular morning was very emotional and he cried for over an hour, I shed a few tears myself but he said that he wouldn't tell anyone I was a "crybaby" flashing a cheeky smile, if I didn't tell about him - through all the emotion he still had a sense of humour! He hadn't spoken to anyone else about this but felt that, after a few months of chatting and listening, he could open up to me. We worked hard together and got through a difficult year. He has now left to go to secondary school and I have had meetings with the staff there to make sure all the support he needs is in place for him after the holidays. He is one lad I am extremely proud of.

My Gran keeps asking when I'm going to get married and have kids - I keep telling her that I already have over 200 kids but I am in the enviable position of handing them all back at 3pm hahahahaha

Jeezo .... anyways .... I got a lovely letter delivered from his parents thanking me for my "kindness and patience" all year with 'X' and for building a "trusting relationship". I had a lump in my throat and a tear in my eye when reading the rest of the letters contents. I worked with the kid because I could see through the bravado and tough image and see a cry for help - NOT for praise and recognition! Thank god the rest of the kids don't know about this blog or my tough reputation would be in tatters!! hahahaha. Being one of only two males in the school has it's advantages, even the 'pushiest' kids tred wearily LOL (that was not meant to sound sexist btw)

Teaching young kids is a priviledge! To those teachers who complain, stifle creativity, over burden children and stamp out enthusiasm (sadly I see too many teachers like this) - Get out of our schools, give yourself a rest and give our kids the best chance in life! Education is about being fun and enjoyable, it's about motivated children who take an active interest and who become independent learners ... It's NOT about "chalk and talk" - thankfully those days are long gone.

Where has all the sunshine gone?

Whilst the south of the country was basking in sunshine I was freezing me nuts off and getting soaked to the skin in Edinburgh!

Today was the opening parade for the Edinburgh Fringe Festival and as I have done for a few years now, I met up with mates and headed off on the train to watch the parade and soak up the atmosphere.

When I left the ghetto it was a nice sunny morning, when I got off the train in Edinburgh - dressed in a summer shirt, 3/4 length shorts and trainers - it was pissing down with rain! Now I would NEVER say that I was fashion conscious BUT I was NOT going to wear a bloody plastic poncho which seemed to be the height of fashion with the tourists sheltering from the rain. Me .... well ... let's just say that I am glad skin is waterproof beacuse the rest of my clothing wasn't LMAO. I was certainly soaking up something and it wasn't just the atmosphere!

The parade was excelllent as usual but I wish that some of the acts WOULDN'T parade down Princes Street. Belly dancers may do it for some but certainly not for me!!! There was a large crowd of South American lads behind me and they were having a ball shouting and cheering and having a competition to gather/collect as many of the festival beads as they could. This attracted the BBC tv cameras but alas ... I am not famous - I've just seen the BBC news and the shot was about 5 people too far to my left - typical!

My tickets are booked for a great comedy show next Saturday night and we are all looking forward to a couple of wee drinks at as many pubs/bars as possible before and after the show .... it has to be done!

A small aside - The Lady Boys of Bangkok - if these are the 'most convincing transvestites' .. then I am the Pope! OMG ... this years lot were better and more convincing than last years shockers but sheesh ..... these lads are obviously not looking in the mirror!

Nearly 100 usless facts all about ME lol

1. Slept naked? Yes usually, or in me boxys
2. Taken a shower with someone? Yes
3. Kissed a member of the same sex? Mucking about …. yes … serious .. no
4. Driven a car? Yes and missing my last one …. Should never have gotten rid!
5. Stolen anything? When I was v v young but my mum found out and took me back to the shop to apologise
6. Been in love? Yes
7. Been dumped? By mutual agreement LOL
8. Stole money from a family member? No
9. Gotten in a car with people you just met? Nope … apart from taxi drivers lol
10. Been in a fist fight? Once at school pmsl .. as a pupil btw
11. Snuck out of your/someone’s house? Nope
12. Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? Yes … sadly
13. Been arrested? Hell NO!!!! Have been frisked by a bobby in Glasgow though ... little git only looked about 16 - on a power trip me thinks lol
14. Hugged a stranger? Yip … aint that what New Year is all about?
15. Met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere? Yes
16. Left your house with out telling your parents? Erm … yes .. have my own place and have done for many years!! LOL
17. Had a crush on your neighbour? Feck NO!
18. Ditched school to do something more fun? As a pupil, yes lol
19. Slept in a bed with a member of the opposite sex? Yes
20. Lost a friend in a shop? Erm … I don’t think so
21. Been on a plane? Yip, quite a few, even jumped outta a perfectly good one at 10,000 feet lol
22. Been to an island? Sure have
23. Slept in until 3? That’s what school holidays are for!
24. Miss someone right now? Erm … yeah
25. Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? Love making things outta clouds pmsl
26. Made a snow angel? When it snows :o)
27. Played dress up? Too often!! lmao
28. Cheated while playing a game? Don’t we all?
29. Been lonely? Yes
30. Kissed more than 4 people in one night? Ain’t that what New Year is all about too? lol
33. Touched a snake? Never felt the need :o)
34. Ran a red light? Erm …. I confess .. Yes a few times … by mistake of course!
35. Been suspended from school? Nope …. I do the suspending now though! mwahhahahaha
36. Had detention? Yes .. Mr Winters my maths teacher … git!
37. Been in a car accident? Yes … just a wee one though .. and the KILLER BUNNY incident pmsl
39. Used a fake id? Never needed it
40. Crawled through a window? At Uni Halls, yes lol
41. Been lost? A few times
42. Been to the opposite side of the country? Been all over (no smart comments please!)
44. Cried yourself to sleep? Nope
47. Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? Yes … I am weak! lol
48. Laughed until something u were drinking came out ur nose? Yes … and most embarrassingly in a full lecture theatre :o) Tracey – your fault (slurp slurp!)
49. Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Aww .. yeah
50. Kissed in the rain? Nope … hide inside in the dry … but how romantic
51. Sang in the shower? Depends what mood I am in
52. Had sex in a park? Nope
53. Had a dream that you married someone? Nope
54. Glued your hand to something? Erm, no …. What fool does that!
55. Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole? PMSL … nope but I have a great story about the flag pole and naked dancing round it PMSL
56. Ever gone to school partially naked? Partially naked? Have been completely naked but that was in the showers after PE lol
57. Been a cheerleader? lmao hell NO - all those pom poms and ra ra skirts pmsl
58. Had more than ten boy/gal friends? You calling me a slag?
59. Didn't take a shower for a week? Minging! I like my showers ;-)
60. Ever too scared to watch scary movies alone? I crapped myself watching The Shining for the first time in Uni Halls (old mansion with long dark corridors) LOL
61. Played chicken? Erm .... don’t think so
62. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes Yes!!! Numerous times – bastards! LOL
63. Been told you're hot by a complete stranger? Yeah .. she had a white stick though!
64. Broken a bone? Nope
65. Been easily amused? All the time
66. Laugh so hard you cry? Many times lmao
67. Mooned/flashed someone? Erm .. ((blushing)) both! hahahaha
68. Cheated on a test? Probably … okay … Yes!!!
69. Forgotten someone's name? I do that too often … sorry peeps lol
71. Done something dumb while drunk? Feck yes ….. but this ain’t the time or place LOL
73. Blacked out from drinking? I can hold my drink!
74. Played a prank on someone? All the time lol … only a couple have backfired
75. Gone to a late night movie? Went to one with a group of mates … and found it to be pure filth hahaha .. there was a shifty guy in the row behind us with a long mac making weird noises ha ha ha ha
76. Made love to anything not human? Ewwwww minging … NOPE!
77. Failed a class? No
78. Choked on something you're not supposed to eat? HA HA HA HA
79. Smoked pot? Nope
80. Cheated on a boy/ girl friend? That’s just wrong!
81. Celebrate the 4th of July? Why would I do that?
82. Thrown strange objects? Yes
83. Felt like killing someone? Kill? No .. seriously hurt … yes LOL
84. Thought about running away? I did as a youngster and packed stuff in a suitcase that I couldn’t even carry …. So didn’t bother
86. Got a piercing? Nope
89. Made a parent cry? My mum … I didn’t call her on my first night away from home at Uni
90. Cried over someone? Yes
91. Kept somebody else's clothes you borrowed? Erm .. nope
92. Dated someone more than once? No
93. Had/Have a dog? Had a dog most of my life till I moved into my own place
96. Been in a band? Nope
97. Drank 25 sodas in a day? lmao nope … but I could be up for the challenge!
98. Broken a CD? Yeah
99. Shot a gun? Yes … quite a few actually. I was a classified marksman and used to be a member of the rifle club too but thought it wasn't really the type of sport to keep up in my profession :o(
100. Wanted someone but could never have them? Sadly yes :o(

Classic Leading Man ....

I stole this form Ciara who in turn 'borrowed' it from The Psycho Therapist ...

Your Score: Clark Gable

You scored 33% Tough, 9% Roguish, 9% Friendly, and 47% Charming!

You're a helluva guy, a real split personality and a bit of an enigma. On the one hand, you're a man's man, tough talking and ready for anything. But on the other hand, you soften your rough and tumble core with a disarmingly smooth exterior, and you make the ladies swoon. You're equally admired by both men and women alike, drinking other men under the table all the while charming the socks off half a dozen lovelies. You're a commanding presence, and you know how to get what - and who - you want when you want it. You're drawn to women who, like you, are savvy enough to deal with the world on their own terms. You work well with spitfires. Leading ladies include Joan Crawford, Myrna Loy, and Jean Harlow. No damsels in distress for you.

Find out what kind of classic dame you'd make by taking the Classic Dames Test.

hmmm ..... food for thought PMSL

Fringe Festival

I love the Edinburgh Fringe Festival and have been heading down to the Capital every summer for the past .. erm ... dunno how many years ... but a few!

The city is heaving with tourists and folks heading out to the pubs, street bars, theatres and clubs to see many of the varied, funny, sad, weird and wacky shows that the world brings to Edinburgh!

Last year we were off on the train to see a couple of shows one evening. My 'posh' matie was in charge of the carry-ouy for the train (as is customary when we go anywhere on the train these days). She took out 3 bottles of champers with straws, one bottle and one straw for each of us, a few packets of munchies and kept a wee surprise in the clinking bag for afters! (Not really much of a surprise as she has been getting the same carry-out for most of our wee trips out LOL)

Well, there we were sitting in the train opposite some workers heading home with their "Costa" coffee [other brands available lol] and there were the three of us popping champage corks up the carriage.

Bollinger through a straw was a new experience for me LMFAO ... and eating pringles at the same time too hahaha. Five stops down the line the bottles were coming close to empty and the surprise came out of the bag ...... Pimms!!! Oh I love a Pimms in the summer and this was no exception! We polished off a bottle of Bolly each and a bottle of Pimms between the three of us and as the train edged into Waverley Station, we stumbled off ... rather merry!

The shows we were off to see were fantastic and a great laugh, tears rolling down our faces and much of the hilarity was probably due to the loosening of our tongues .... alcohol tends to do this to me. The carry-out was topped up with a couple of voddys at the restaurant (sensible things we were to eat!) a couple of doubles at the show to ease things along and 4 doubles on the way back to the train (visiting a couple of pubs to sample their hospitality)

Here's hoping that we can see a number of the fantastic comedy shows again this year but I could do WITHOUT the hangover from hell the next morning!

awwwww .. I want to live in the city!!!!! :-(

Flirt .... me ..... never!

I will paint a scene .... sitting with 2 mates in a fancy restaurant (not McD's!!! pmsl) and happily chomping through the meal ... absolutely gorgeous. Waitress comes over and asks the usual stuff ...."everything ok with your meal?" etc etc ... always at the time when I have a mouthful of food in my gob.

She was a really nice lass and was chatting to me and my mate. My female friend then started taking the piss outta me and saying that she hadn't really seen me in serious flirt mode before ... but I was apparently going all guns blazing for this lass!

Erm ... I do not flirt! ... although she was lovely and we were chatting when she was passing our table ... but not flirting. She did chat to us more then most other tables but I just thought she was being attentive to our needs!

Well ... I got a bit defensive at this comment as my other mate and I were both chatting ... but apparently he was being polite and I was being suggestive .... my eyes talk apparently!

Well ..... not sure if we (these particular maties and I) will go back there again .... I couldn't cope with the accusations LOL

I did leave her a nice tip though! Hahahaha

Feeling kinda grumpy, kinda down in the dumpy!

Why? Why can things never go smoothly when it comes to my life? - oops, a little over dramatic there LOL

Back in the distant past, well okay ... a few months ago, my dad went through a pretty horrific time and was in hospital for a number of weeks and for a wee time, on a ventillator in intensive care, things were touch and go!

He's been out of the hospital for a good few weeks now and is recovering at home from his ops with the help of family, friends and the district nurses - all of whom have been angels xxx.

He has been building his strength back up for the final operation to reverse a stoma op and fix a tear in his small intestine - he's had an open wound and drains since leaving the hospital ... these have caused him some discomfort and a lot of hassle.

On Friday he and my mum drove to the hospital to speak to his surgeon about the final stage of the operation and were smacked in the face with some really bad news! Unknown to my dad (the docs hadn't told him) he has an aneurysm close to his heart that must be operated on before it perforates and kills him! No operation to reverse the stoma op he had can be done before the aneurysm is treated.

I was not reallly clued up on what an aneurysm actually was but the phrase "...perforates and kills him ..." kind of made me think it is serious. I had to find out more so have, probably very stupidly, gone to the internet in search of information.

An aneurysm is the swelling of an artery wall, a bit like a balloon. If it continues to grow it obviously becomes more unstable and can rupture, causing the unthinkable or start to press againt internal organs or the spine. I stopped reading the information on the NHS site as I got to .. "the risk of death from surgery is sometimes greater than the risk of the aneurysm itself."

I don't mind admitting on here, as I know my family don't read this, I am fucking petrified! He has a CAT scan to determine the size of the aneurysm in the next couple of weeks. Usually under a certain size it is not operated upon, but due to the need for surgery i.e. dad having a gaping open wound needing repaired, not operating is not really an option!

After his last stint of time in the hospital I had a check up at the docs and had the all clear from anything un-toward, but I think the doc and I are about to get re-acquainted pretty soon. I hate the docs and don't ever go unless I really have to. I think on this occasion I may need to have another more thorough check-up. Although in saying that I have had a niggling and annoying "thing" wrong with me for years and it needs surgery, but I haven't spoken to my doc a) because I hate the docs and hospitals, b) beacuse I am not having someone putting me to sleep - that is VERY unnatural and c) male pride and embarrassment.

The last time I was in a hospital (6 years ago when I couldn't eat and lost a stone in weight in a week ... about 7kg - as I only weigh 10 stone, that was a bit drastic. Even the smell of food made me run for the bathroom) I had to have an endoscopy (camera down my throat into my stomach and duodenum and a few biopsies - thankfully nothing but stress was the cause of my symptoms) I was so bothered about needles in the back of my hand and being put to sleep that I refused any anaesthetic and had it done in surgery with none - not really an experience I want to go through again ... but I wasn't trusting my sleep and re-awakening to someone else! - an irrational fear I know, but a fear none-the-less!!! Thankfully my surgeon at the time was willing to do this and he was fantastic .... the discomfort was minimal.

Here's hoping that all goes well for my 'old man' and that everything is a success and I better make an appointment to speak to my own doc! Oh the joy! And a wee tip ... don't use the internet to look up medical information unless you are really prepared for all the uncensored gory facts!!!

Have a laugh!

I was reading an email from a buddy with a warped sense of humour ... bit like my own hahaha ... David ... this is your 3rd mention on t'internet!!!

The first was a great wee poem ....

As I mature ....
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you,
All you can do is stalk them, and hope they panic and give in.

I've learned that no matter how much I care,
some people are just arseholes.

I've learned that it takes years to build trust,
and only takes suspicion, not proof to destroy it.

I've learned that you can get by on charm for about 15 minutes,
After that you better have a big willy or huge boobs!

I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others,
the are more screwed up than you think.

I've learned that you can keep vomitting,
long after you think you have finished.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do
Unless we are 'celebrities'.

I've learned that no matter how hot and steamy a relationship at first,
The passion fades and there had better be a lot of money to take its place!

I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in the house,
one of your kids did it.

I've learned that the people you care about most in life,
are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away!



Ladies ... have a look at this one :o) PMSL



...... and have a think about this!



Lads ... be careful next time and keep this in mind .......



... and don't you just hate a show off!! PMSL



and the last one .......

Order of the Phoenix

I admit to being a bit of a Harry Potter geek! When the first installment of the series was published my class of 8 yr olds asked me to read it to them. I was hooked as were the class. Ever since, each class has had to endure the story telling of the latest adventures of the boy wizard - not sure if it was they or I who had enjoyed it the most.

On Sunday I joined 2 friends and we took ourselves and our pre-booked luxury seat tickets (sad I know) to the cinema in Perth to see the latest film, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.



This is certainly the darkest of the films yet. Harry is being bothered by haunting visions and flash backs to his last encounter with the Dark Lord Voldermort (I ain't sacred to say his name ... he who must not be named ... huh!!! lol) The Ministry do not believe Harry or the Headmaster of Hogwarts, Dumbledore.

They send a new teacher of the Dark Arts to the school who teaches them nothing about defending themselves. Imelda Staunton plays the character of Dolores Umbridge perfectly! The fluffy (or not so fluffy) pink character takes control of Hogwarts from Dumbledore and starts her campaign of oppression.

With the lack of any real teaching of defence, Harry and the gang start "Dumbledore's Army" and decide to teach themselves how to defend against the feared Voldermort.

I won't go into any more of the details of this exciting episode ... but I would advise a viewing! In my opinion, the best of the films so far. Check out this to see trailers etc.

Midnight on Saturday, and I may have to roll into the nearest Waterstones ... or Asda if I want to save a few pennies to get the final book in the series, The Deathly Hallows". With Dumbldore now dead, what is going to happen to Harry? Is Snape really the bad guy? Will Draco Malfoy succeed in his task set by Voldermort? Is Harry going to survive? Who is going to be killed? ..... so many questions!

Well, I have been asked to go back to the cinema to see ... yes ... Harry Potter ... and could I say no ... not likely. Seats are book again, and Ciara ... you were right, that last hotdog didn't keep me quiet for too long! hahaha

the twist .... mwah ha ha ha

Last week on Big Brother 8 (UK) we had "fake week". Was all a bit cr*p until the 'fake' eviction.

Now for those not watching, Charley is one housemate who you will either love or hate with a passion. I am one of the former and really like her! Her housemates put her up for eviction not knowing about 'fake' week.

It came to last night and the gorgeous Davina (phwaaar) evicted Charley. The normal shouts, cheers and booooo's were not to be heard and Charley came out to silence. She was taken to the studio and interviewed. She was shown the nominations and what her housematies had said about her. Unknown to her at the time they were watching all of this on the plasma screen in the BB house.

Davina got her to talk about her housemates, who she liked, who she didn't, who should win etc etc .. and then dropped the news that as it was 'fake week', Charley was to re-enter the BB house!

The faces of her two arch enemies - Chanelle and Ziggy - was a picture ... they could not believe Charley was coming back.

Charley has used her 'eviction' to her advantage and played it for all it's worth. Long live Charley in the BB house .....

Name and Shame!

After a lovely day with friends in Aberdeen we headed out to Cadonas beach amusement park for a laugh .. I have been known to enjoy a wee rollercoaster or two! After pottering about we headed for the afore mentioned 'eatery'.

I was NOT impressed! After waiting ages for a member of waiting staff to come to our table, we didn't like to interrupt the conversation that 5 members were having ... yes FIVE staff having a chat and diners waiting to be served .. I could feel the blood starting to simmer LOL

Once served we witnessed other tables, like ours, who had decided to leave after waiting for over 10 minutes for some attention.

There were 9 members of staff having a laugh and chat in the bar area of the restaurant completely ignoring the customers and the constant ringing of the phone. The blood was now boiling and not simmering .... instead of waiting for the food I walked up to the bar, asked if anyone was working, and politely asked for the bill for the drinks we had had whilst waiting!

We left and advised the 2 families waiting that they would be better at another place if they wanted to eat Sunday dinner and not Monday breakfast!

with that little rant out of the way ... I can now enjoy reading my daily list of blogs and finish munching on my jelly babies.

Did you know that the Jelly Babies all have names? strawberry's name is 'Brilliant', lemon's is 'Bubbles', lime is called 'Boofuls', blackcurrant is 'Big Heart, orange's name is 'Bumper' and raspberry is called 'Baby Bonny'. Awwwwww

Saturday afternoon at the flicks

Shrek the Third ... if you want an hour and a bit of laughs (well laughs if you share my sense of humour) Shrek is the very thing LOL



Shrek and Princess Fiona save the day yet again in Far Far Away! It come sunder threat from Prince Charming again. I love the humour. Managed to cheer me up on a dull, boring Saturday afternoon.



The "ladies" are fab!

Bit of another 'lame' post .... but I am having an off day! .. "again" I hear you cry! PMSL

Pucker Up .....

National Kissing Day! Oh what an excuse LMFAO!!!!!

I was reading about National Kissing Day and some of the stuff was pretty embarrassing for us Brits. We are not kissing enough! Apparently, in a recent survey, 95% of women believe they are not getting enough smooch time.

The good news apparently is that Brits do score highly on quality if not on quantity. In the same survey we Brits scored highest with 42% of the replies stating that we are the best kissers. The Italians came second with a mere 15% ha ha ha ... Casanova eat your heart out! PMSL

Our German neighbours top the worst kissing list with 38% of the votes.

Kissing "etiquette" states that - bad breath, slobbering and smoking are the top 3 put offs. Johnny Depp tops the list of blokes for the most sought after snog and Angelina Jolie tops the women!



On doing a wee bit of research I was shocked to find "kissing schools" to help kissing technique LOL ... this comes from the 'Kissing Tip of the Day" from one such site ....

popsicle kiss

Eat popsicles together - each a different flavor - and then halfway through, switch and finish off each other's popsicle. Afterwards, give your love a long, passionate kiss. Your cold tongue will wake them up!! :)

***note to self - must give that a try!

SO anyhoo .... I now have an excuse for the rest of the night .... hahaha .. Firstly it is National Kissing Day and secondly we Brits just ain't at it enough!

so .... pucker up ... MMMMMMMWAH