THAT'S ALL FOLKS

My time is currently being split in too many directions and I need to take a time-out for myself. Mctavish is fine and currently awaiting surgery and we have been told this week (never in a rush) that the toe will be amputated and not the leg! phew

For now .......



I will be checking back and leaving comments .... you don't get rid of me that easily!! I am just needing some "me" time and as you have seen (if you've been looking lol ... blogging isn't at the top of the agenda atm.



Love you all, take care and see ya soon XXX

Happy Easter

Wishing you all a very happy Easter time. 'Lang may yer eggs roll' lmao

A wee Easter poem for ya's all -

Funny Bunny

Little Easter, the comedienne bunny,
Tried too hard at being funny.
She juggled and she dropped the eggs
They fell and smashed between her legs.

Poor Easter left the stage in shame
And thought that she might change her name.
But then that bunny read this ad,
"This Sunday we need help real bad."

So Easter Bunny kept her name
And through the years has gained much fame,
When Easter's Sunday comes each year.
She delivers eggs and we all cheer.

(Grandpa Tucker)



Marmy ... hope this answers your question - nice tartan wrapped eggs lmfao

Stolen blog posting

I am yet again bowing to the blogging prowess of that guru of all things blog - newplanet!

I had such a good laugh at his urban dictionary post that I thought I would give it a go. I had 7 pages of entries for my name so I am not going to post them all here.

All I did was post my name in an urban dictionary search and here are a few of the entries it came up with. (some of the 'contributors' are obviously obsessed by the size of their manhood lol)

here we go ....


1. James

Someone who is un usually well hung. People with the name James are generally known for their good looks (especially the eyes) and women are just simply attracted to them.
"Oh Yeah, he's definately a James"


2. James

A name for someone who is absolutely fantastic and is your favourite.
"That James is by far my favourite, no matter what!"


3. James

In early European lore the demigod James was said to possess unrivaled charm and seductive prowess in addition to having genitalia of supernatural size. Throughout medieval times and up until the late Renaissance, Pagan and Christian farmers routinely prayed to James as a god of fertility, believing that his massive penis would inspire them to spectacular heights of fertility. Today, the term James still carries with it subtexts of truly gigantic genitals which is perhaps why James is the name most frequently given to male newborns in the United States.
Currently the word James can be used to mean an enormous penis and anyone with that name can be assumed to possess a heavy and girthy penis.
"Man, check out that James!"

"Look at the buldge in his trousers, he MUST have a James in there girlfriend!"

"I don't think I could ever fit a James in my mouth."


4. James

The best guy in the world. He is the most amazing, perfect, handsome, charming, lovable, and cuddliest man on the planet. He is very sweet and will brighten up your day just by smiling. he has very bright and beautiful hazel eyes and kinda darkish brown hair. Hes very funny and he likes to laugh a lot.
oh... my gosh... did u just see that really cute guy?

"Yup, he looks like a James."


5. James

An absolutely perfect organism that is an inspiration to all other life on earth. He combines good looks and clear thinking, in the end resulting in an amazing Philosopher-like Demigod of unbeknownst power. No Women can resist a James, except those whose names begin with a N. Those women exist to attempt to destroy such James' in a ritual known as dating.
"(Calling Role)
Teacher: James?
James: Yes?
Teacher: Oh I just wanted to beg forgiveness for profaning your perfect name with my unworthy tongue.
James: You are forgiven, oh imperfect one."


The above postings were obviously chosen at random hahahahaha

Witty pilots

Actual exchanges between pilots and control towers



Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"

*****

Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."
TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

*****

From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm f...ing bored!"
Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"
Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"

*****

O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."
United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this...I've got the little Fokker in sight."

*****

A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position?"
Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."

*****

A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down.
San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."

*****

A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich , overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German): " Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in English."
Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany . Why must I speak English?"
Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war!"


*****

Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency 124.7"
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way,after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway."
Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"
BR Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... we've already notified our caterers."

*****

One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"
The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one."

*****

The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.
Speedbird 206: " Frankfurt , Speedbird 206! clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- And I didn't land."

Sun, Sea, Sand and S......

My thoughts are turning to Summer time and holidays. My problem is that I can't decide where in this vast world to go. It's not just me to consider however, 3 of my friends are also coming along.

I want to go back to Barbados. I love the Caribbean and especially the island of Barbados. Lots of white, fine sand and palm tree lined beaches, rum punch and great, laid back hospitality.



Maybe a trip back to Egypt. I adore this country and it's amazing, mystical history. The sphynx and pyramids were awe inspiring and to get inside the pyramids was breathtaking.



I have always wanted to go on a cruise. Huge, luxury cruise ship making it's way through the oceans and seas of the world, docking in some of the most exotic ports around the world.



Safari has also been one of my all time holiday greats. Getting out into the Kenyan plains and trying to spot the big 5 in their natural environment.



I have a friend who has her own diving school in northern cyprus and the thought of diving in the clear turquoise seas and spotting turtles swimming by is very tempting.



A holiday on a barge is also a hot favourite. Barging through the canals, stopping at the canal side pubs .... hmmmmm lovely!



The bright lights and attractions of London are also an option. Take in all the tourist sights, a musical or two and enjoy the big city.



Canada. I love this country. I have always wanted to tour from one coast of this amazing country to the other in a winnebago - going wherever we want and stopping whenever we needed.



I just have too many options. I started to discuss these with 2 of the friends who will be coming along and one of them suggested this .......



Oh dear, what am I to do? lol

The good old days

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and drank while they carried us and lived in houses made of asbestos. They took aspirin, ate raw egg products, loads of bacon & processed meat, tuna from a can and didn't get tested for diabetes or cervical cancer.

After that trauma, our cots were covered with bright coloured lead based paints. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes we had no helmets or shoes ... not to mention the risks we took hitchhiking.

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags. We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle. Take away food was limited to fish & chips wrapped in newspaper - not pizza shops and Mcdonalds, KFC or Nandos. Even though the shops shut at 6pm and did not open at the weekends we did not starve. We shared one soft drink with four friends from the same bottle and not one died of this.

We use to collect old drink bottles & cash them in at the corner shop for sweets and bangers to blow frogs up with. We ate cakes, white bread with real butter and drank soft drinks with sugar in but we were not overweight because we were always outside playing. We would leave home in the morning and play all day as long as we were back home when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day long and we were ok. We would spend hours building go carts and then ride them down hill with no brakes, we built tree houses and dens and played in the river. We did not have Playstations, Nintendo or have 999 channels on the tv. No mobile phones or personal computers or the internet but we did have friends and we went outside and found them.

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and there were no lawsuits from these accidents. Only girls had pierced ears. We ate worms and mud pies. You could only buy Easter eggs & hot cross buns at Easter time. We were given air guns & catapults for our 10th birthday, we rode bikes or walked to our mates and mum did not have to go to work to help dad to make ends meet.

Our teachers use to hit us with canes, the leather strap and gym shoes and bullies always ruled the school playground. The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of - they actually sided with the law!

Our parents did not invent stupid names like Kiaora, Blade, Blackcurrant & Rainbow. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility and we learnt how to deal with it. Thank God we didn’t have the health and safety brigade back then!

(I cannot take the credit for this but it certainly rang true for me lol so thought I'd share)

Meme

Just stolen from newplanet ......

1. Where is your cell phone? pocket
2. Your significant other? who?
3. Your hair? disappearing
4. Your mother? loving
5. Your father? retired
6. Your favourite thing? love
7. Your dream last night? x-rated
8. Your favourite drink? Coke
9. Your dream/goal? peace
10. What room you are in? lounge
11. Your hobby? curling
12. Your fear? loneliness
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? abroad
14. Where were you last night? bed
16. Muffins? blueberry
17. Wish list item? house
18. Where you grew up? Crieff
19. Last thing you did? eat
20. What are you wearing? clothes
21. Your TV? on
22. Your pets? none
23. Friends? close
24. Your life? good
25. Your mood? happy
26. Missing someone? yes
27. Car? silver
28. Something you're not wearing? shoes
29. Your favourite store? Sainsburys
30. Your favourite colour? purple
33. When is the last time you laughed? earlier
34. Last time you cried? Sunday
35. Who will resend this? nobody
36. One place that you go to over and over? school
38. Your favourite place to eat? Corierri's
39. Why you participated in this survey? bored
40. What are you doing tonight? shopping

That KODAK moment

I love it when you get back from a holiday and you look at the photos ..... then spot something unexpected in the background lol

I was sent this as an email and felt the need to share ......

Awwww

Had a shit of a day and this cheered me up!

Also sending this gorgeous heart to everyone who reads this blog, hope it brightens up a dull day xx

The Bells ...

... wedding ones .... and jeezo - deffo not mine!

A right guid Scottish 'shin-dig' was had at the tail end of last year when my best friend of many years was getting married to another good friend of mine.

Vicki and Tam, friends for years, decided ... at last ... to tie the knot and become 'official' lol



The night before, we were all out at the hotel setting up table decorations, place settings and helium balloons hahaha ... oh the joys of helium never fade!

I was tasked with the job of usher and was given a reading to do at the church - being a teacher and used to public speaking does have some disadvantages - everyone thinks you won't mind making speeches and readings. Ah well, it was for great friends, so all was well. A cheeky slug or two from the hip flask certainly helped to settle any nerves lol

The day of the wedding arrived and I got kitted out in the kilt ... and being a true Scotsman, there was no need for any undies!! It also has the advantage of having one less item of clothing to take off at night when you've been drinking alcohol all day and night and maybe be a little worse for wear.



The bride was piped into the church by a school friend and great guy with the bagpipes. Highland Cathedral - god I love that tune!

The deed done and the happy couple now officially Mr & Mrs, it was off to the hotel for the knees up and meal.

There was a good bit of hanging around for the official photos to be taken which just meant a great deal of drinking time lol One of the bridesmaids stole my hip flask from my sporran and had a good drink ... bloody cheek!

After all 200 dinner guests took their seats in the hotel dining room, the happy couple posed for photos and cut the cake!



The meal was beautiful and so was the wine and champagne lol

It was back to the bar after the meal to allow the disco to set up for the nights entertainment. I have no idea how much I had been drinking but by the time another 200 evening guests had arrived and the disco and ceilidh music had started, I was well oiled. I must have been a little under the influence because I managed to get hauled onto the dance floor by the bride - not something that I usually do lol



As a guest at the hotel, with my room booked, I was able to take advantage of an all night bar hahaha ... myself, one of the bridesmaids, the bride and groom and a couple of the guests had a couple of nightcaps before heading to bed (not all together lmao)

A FABULOUS wedding for 2 FABBY friends!

Homework

A little something I was sent ......

The moral of the story - CHECK YOUR CHILD'S HOMEWORK



(Here's the reply the teacher received the following day)

Dear Mrs. Jones,
I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic dancer.
The truth is I work at Home Depot and I told my daughter how hectic it was last week before the blizzard hit. I told her we sold out every single shovel we had, and then I found one more in the back room, and that several people were fighting over who would get it. Her picture doesn't show me dancing around a pole. It's supposed to depict me selling the last snow shovel we had at Home Depot.
>From now on I will remember to check her homework more thoroughly before she turns it in.
Sincerely,
Mrs. Smith

Some video clips to bring a smile

Women drivers .... I am saying NOTHING .... the video speaks for itself! LMAO




Upgrading your mobile phone? Fancy placing an order for one of these?




Don't judge too quickly ...

Back ......... again

Well ....... don't want to count the number of times I have said this .... but here I am again!

Have been super busy ... lots of family stuff been happening over the past couple of months.

The BEST news is my new baby nephew Calum. Super gorgeous little bundle of joy - well, I can say that because I don't have to put up with the screaming, constant feeding, burping, peeing and pooing ........ oh the joy of being an uncle - you can hand them back LOL

The bad news involves me old dad "McTavish". As if everything he has been through already wasn't enough, he got MORE bad news! The kind of bad news that involves amputation!

After all of the health issues he was sent back to hospital with a "toe infection". Now, to me that sounds pretty harmless ..... oh no .... can't be simple or harmless for me old pops .... the toe has to come off! Well, that was the best of the diagnosis. 'The best?' I hear you cry .. YES. The next bit of news was met with stunned silence, only the sound of jaws hitting the ground could be heard! Amputation of the LEG may be needed as there may be poor blood supply to be able to save his leg! The toe is now in the early stages of gangrene and we are awaiting the results of the latest scan to find out if it's a toe for the chop or a leg.

So, when I say that things have been kinda hectic and intense, you now know - it's been a laugh or cry situation .. the more laughs the better - drowns out the bad!